Friday, April 17, 2009

It’s erotic if you’re using a feather. It’s kinky if you’re using the whole damn chicken.

Man, the weekends are so goddamn boring, but at least they're better than being at work.

This weekend's objective: PACK LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW!

It sucks, there's so much shit, like...everywhere. I bet I could fit everything I own into about six boxes, but Jeff has way too much shit. Between the guitars and keyboards and amplifiers and bongs and computer shit and video game crap, it's gonna take freaking forever to pack it all and he hasn't even started. He'll wait until the last minute then start throwing shit around like a madman until he has an asthma attack then he'll smoke up and watch TV while I pack his shit. MARK MY WORDS! Like dating a 2 year old with a really expensive pot addiction and the worst smelling balls in town.

Anyway, I went to Big Lots and spent $56 on storage containers, so that should keep me busy for a while. Oh look, I'm blogging about packing. I kick fucking ass, you guys.

Here's something: I went to KFC to get chicken strips for dinner and when I pulled up to pay, the dude's all "Don't forget we sell grilled chicken now! I put a piece in the bag for you to try!" (he was excited.) I thought that was cool 'cause I did wanna try it but not bad enough to pay for it. Anyway, I got home and it was a thigh, gross. I am a very elitist white-meat only chicken eater. So I pulled the skin off cause I was gonna stick it on my face like Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy (or just eat it...) but it was weird and slimy, so I just threw it away.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I appreciate the effort, Colonel Sanders, but please try harder. This might do better in other markets, but we have El Pollo Loco here so all other grilled chicken can take a fucking hike, brother.
Let's see...chicken, packing, yeah, I think I covered all my bases here. I guess I'll go get started. SIGH.


Monica said...

First, my boyfriend laughed hysterically at your pirates chart. I dont think you need to be told again how awesome you are but oh well, YOURE AWESOME!

I cant go to KFC, I have too much of a love affair with their biscuits.

wildfluffysheep said...

The mere title of the post made me sides hurt from laughing. Seriously, you should put a health warning on your blog. Death by giggles.

Yay to packing lol. Don't want to leave it too late!I've got a month left before I need to start... Good luck with it. I hate packing.

Dina said...

I thought you said you were going to pack! Writing blog posts about stinky balls is.not.packing.

I just get mac & cheese at KFC. It's always like 8 bazillion degrees. I think they have a nuclear reactor powered microwave.

*Kristine* said...

only you can work your boyfriends stinky balls into a blog about KFC and packing containers.

arielcircleofnine said...

Moving suddenly makes you realize you dont need 40 to 60% of the shit currently taking up space in your life, maybe more. We moved 2 months ago and I really left it all behind--quite theraputic!!!!
I read about the grilled KFC, had high hopes for it (I will only eat white meat too). We dont have El Poll Loco in NY, so maybe the colonel might get lucky once in a while when I got a craving. You know a small mashed potato without gravy has 2 points? that has me calculating that I can eat 3 or 4 of them for 6 or 8 points. LOL yeah. KFC induces binges--and as Monica said, the biscuits!!! I used to work at KFC 100 years ago, and every morning I came in Id eat many many biscuits with jelly and butter. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

twinkelydots said...

I won't eat at KFC. When I was taking my food safety classes all the employess at all of the local KFC had t o take classes. Something about health violations.


Dina said...

Is spitting in chicken a health violation?

twinkelydots said...

Do chickens spit?

Heather said...

You're such a crack up! Dark meat...ick. I can't stand wiggly chicken skin either. The thought of it sticking to my face while eating chicken makes me throw up in my throat a little.

Pam said...

Wait...they grill the chicken but leave the skin ON? Kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

Post a Comment