I'm not dead or anything. I've just been in a hellacious shitstorm that made me pretty non-social. But here I am, so you can rest easy tonight, friends.
Here's something that sucks: I pulled a muscle in my leg. How, you might ask? Strength training? Jogging? Phooning?? Nope...just a'walkin'. In Sam's Club. I saw my future and it involves a lot of swearing and a motorized cart. I CAN NOT BECOME THE FAT LADY IN THE CART. No offense to fat ladies in carts, I think you're hardcore and all...I just don't wanna be you.
It fuckin' sucked, man. First off, I got a shopping cart, then I HAD to pee, so I went to do that. When I came out of the bathroom, some asshole had already taken my cart. ASSHOLES! Getting a new cart would have involved going back outside and flashing the stupid membership card and all that shit again, so I was like "eff it...I'm not getting that much stuff." So I'm walking along carrying a box of tuna pouches, a box of turkey burgers, and a pack of Sandwich Thins. I zero in on watermelons and start walking then it's like FUCK. It basically felt like a charlie horse...but like a big nasty one with a bad attitude. :(
I never had a charlie horse while I was standing up before so I'm all wtf? So I tried to walk it off, but that wasn't working at all. I just couldn't get the muscle to relax and it was hurting like a real son of a bitch with each step I took. And it stayed stuck like that for DAYS and DAYS. It's finally starting to loosen up now like a week later.
Needless to say, that shit scares me. I mean, when you pull a muscle working out or something, that's one thing. But when you pull a muscle just waddling your fat ass around a store, something is wrong, son. I see that I'm teetering on a dangerous edge here where my very mobility is at risk, and it's fucking with my head.
I went though a very weird depression where everything felt pretty hopeless. My family is all fucked up and my friends were mad at me and I was just being a miserable bitch because I was scared and insecure. I really do need to find a therapist...it's all getting a little ridiculous. I've called about five and I keep getting voicemails and no callbacks. What kinda way is this to do business? Maybe they're sitting there judging the patheticness of my voicemail messages and deciding they don't wanna get involved. Maybe I should make them more vague instead of yelling CRY FOR HELP CRY FOR HELP CRY FOR HELP into the reciever. And then leaving my phone number, of course...I'm not some crazy person, dudes. I KNOW HOW THE WORLD WORKS! ...
Anyway, as far as dieting goes, I've been doing pretty good. My scale worked, though just barely. 404.8. It took about 40 tries to get it to read my weight, so I dunno how accurate it is. It could have been the scale's way of just trying to get me to stop torturing it. Either way...I will take it.
I'm still having a problem with POINTS disbursement. Too many left at night which is like a free pass to eat a bunch of bullshit right before bed. I think I need to see a nutritionist maybe. Who has time for all these fucking doctors with their stupid schedules?
So...next week, I'm supposed to learn how to swim. Pathetic, I know. But remember, I didn't learn to drive until I was 28 so I'm always a decade or so late on shit. Maybe next year, I'll try that "reading" thing I hear so much about. I wanna learn to swim because every doctor I go to is all "You know...you're pretty fat...maybe you should try swimming so you don't crush your knees trying to walk around like a regular person." And I mean, they're doctors, so they know their shit. But I doubt their interpretation of swimming is the same as mine, which is like, floating around holding on to a Noodle for dear life until you start to get pruney or the sun goes down. They prolly want me to like...move around and shit. So I'm gonna try to learn how to move around in the water without drowning and hopefully get over my OBSESSION about not getting water in my nose. (GOD I HATE IT!)
So that's life. Times are sucky, but they're getting better. I just wish it would hurry up and be Fall.