She blinded me with Science.

Birthday meltdown is officially over. It wasn't as bad as it COULD have been, but it was way worse than it SHOULD have been. It couldn't be helped! I mean, come on, you only turn...32...once, you know?? The fact of the matter is that I was born with a rare terminal condition and the doctor told my mom that I would never live to see 32. Eh, not really, I just wanted cake. Lots and lots of cake. Dare I say 'too much' cake? I dunno. Those words don't even compute.

But like I said, it wasn't ALL bad. I had all your loving thoughtful (nagging) comments in the back of my head as I did noble things like putting the fork down mid-slice and leaving it there. It would be rude not to at least try it, and I'm like, super lady-like and mindful of my manners at all times. At.all.times.

My birthday (week) was like a case study in Newton's Third Law of Motion. Here it is in case you forgot it:


Action: Declined chicken fried steak the size of my head in exchange for smallish but extraordinarily tasty plate of Indian food. Even turned down bakery-case full of never-before-tried Indian desserts.
Reaction: Ate a medium bag of BUTTERED popcorn and a pack of Starburst I sneaked in (eff you, movie prices!) when I went to see Hot Tub Time Machine (multiple Oscar nods inevitable.)

Action: Acted happy and surprised at THREE different restaurants when employees brought me cake and sang their corporate version of Happy Birthday to meeeeeeee. Only ate about two bites of each cake. (this was hard!)
Reaction: Lectured Jeff about buying me a pint of my favorite Ben & Jerry's ice cream, then proceeded to eat the whole thing sitting next to him on the couch watching Life (this is great, are you watching it???)

Action: Went to a Craft Fair on my actual birthday and walked the whole Convention Center twice before my foot really started to hate me again.
Reaction: Second trip around was primarily for all the samples I skipped on the first go-round. Ate about one million samples. Bought no crafts!

Action: Used my birthday moneys to purchase healthy things like Shape-Ups, Tone-Ups, swim shorts and Just Dance. Word on the street is there is a Body Bugg making its way to me.
Reaction: So far, only wore the Shape-Ups to go eat at a Brazilian Steakhouse where I ate about a year's worth of beef in one sitting. Realized I am powerless about hot Brazilian dudes and their giant swords full of meat. (only vaguely sexual.)

So there you have it. In a word: Counterproductive. But today I'm back. Back at work. Back on track. Back in black. Etc.

Now let's get those Shape-Ups and BodyBuggs and test another of Newton's kick ass theories:


Let's burn some calories, people.