Friday, March 27, 2009

Fat Stereotype #38.

It was bound to happen eventually...I broke a chair in public yesterday.

Ugh.

I went to my optometrist's office after work yesterday because my new glasses aren't as sharp as I think they should be and I only have a 30 day warranty to get them fixed. I went over to the assistant's table and she asked me to have a seat. I could already tell me and this chair weren't going to be friends because it was pretty narrow, and it had arms conveniently placed to cut right into my fattest section. In order to save awkwardness, I squeezed the back half of my ass in there and sat down as best I could. She took my glasses and said she'd be back shortly. I took that as my cue to try to find a way to fit my whole ass onto the chair seeing as how I'd probably be there for a while. So here I am trying to slyly scoot and push my way to the back of the chair when it happens...CRACK...sounded like a baseball bat breaking in half but no one even looked over in my direction.

Turns out the seat of the chair had pulled away from the arm. It seemed fixable enough so I just climbed my fat ass out and stood to assess the damage. I fixed it as best I could and pushed it like way outta the way and moved another chair up to the table. I felt like a guilty child trying to cover my ass after breaking something at my mean aunt's house. I also felt consumed by guilt as images of an elderly lady sitting in that chair tomorrow and breaking a hip on her inevitable trip to the floor forced their way into my brain. I hope that doesn't happen.

I mean, eventually someone's going to find out that the chair is broken. And inevitably, that assistant is gonna realize that I was the fattie trying to squeeze ten pounds of potatoes into a five pound bag...or chair. So, I should have just told them what I did. I should have just said "I'm sorry, this chair is broken." and it probably wouldn't have even been that big of a deal, but I didn't, and I couldn't, and still today, I feel like shit about it. I can't admit to shit. It's a big problem for me. It dates back decades, like being 5 years old and changing the sheets so no one would know I peed the bed at night. I never got caught, so no lesson learned. 25 years later, I wish I would have just got the ass whipping so I could move on.

In true "you're pathetic" fashion, I left that ordeal and buried it in a large pepperoni pizza. The whole thing. Well, I left one slice but only because the cat licked it. Man. I have no excuse.

I'm bummed. It's been a shitty week. I've felt fatter than ever. From the heavy breathing anytime I do ANYTHING, to having to struggle to get in and out of my tiny clown car (which isn't that tiny, by the way.) All the shit at work. All the times I fucked up on my diet. The generally shitty attitude I've had all week. I'm sick of it all. Needless to say, I'm glad it's Friday.

16 comments:

TJ said...

Oh Tricia! Im sorry that your not having a good time over there. You have to know that you have so many cheerleaders behind you though! (I am one of them!) Although you will never see my ass (or thighs) in one of those damn outfits! lol I only wish that your cat had licked more of that pizza to have stopped you. :(

Mel said...

Im sorry you are having a crappy week.. I hope you can get things to turn around soon!! I'm cheering for you too!

Dina said...

Man that just friggin sucks! Do NOT feel guilty for not telling. If an old lady does fall and break her hip, she can sue and be rich! Everybody wins!

I'm sorry your week has been shit. Things will look up! And if they don't, come blog about it, and we will give you lots 'o pity!

Tony said...

I would have to agree with dina, the old lady wins too.

Breaking furniture and whatnot certainly isn't a good feeling. I broke one of my friend's hammocks once, and I felt pretty embarrassed. We've all been there, so you aren't alone.

Pam said...

Oh girl, I have been there. Time and time again. I know how you feel. But you need to get past it and not let it drag down on you. We all have those memories in the back of our minds. They're painful and embarrassing and they never go away. The worst for me was when my husband who was then my boyfriend took me out for a romantic weekend in the country. He rented this cute little cottage for us. Now understand, HE is normal sized, I am extremely plus sized so he was never aware of things that freak me out. Like walking into a restaurant only to notice that no way in hell was I going to fit into the booths and pretending I was suddenly sick so that we could get the heck out of there. But I couldn't hide it when I used the bathroom in that cute little romantic cottage and the effin toilet seat broke! Talk about a CRACK! Geez. The pain of it all. It still makes me cringe thinking about it now after all these years.
All I can tell you is that you're not alone. Stop feeling guilty and get past it. And just get back on the wagon. Do it.

~TMcGee~ said...

I'm so sorry. :-( I would have been mortified as well but the only person who remembers today is you. Try not to dwell on it anymore. Oh and I don't think any child should be spanked for wetting the bed, so you should not feel bad for that. :-( That is not your fault.

FatGirlSlim said...

Awww...

Tricia, I just gave you some major love on my own blog, but I really, really want you to know how much I looooove reading you. You are such a talented writer, which is the main reason I come here. Thank you!

Stephen said...

I've been there too. I feel your pain. Time heals all wounds.

I hope your weekend goes well.

IRJessica said...

Geez. What a junk day! Here's hoping tomorrow is better- it be tough to be worse, right?

wildfluffysheep said...

*squishy hug filled with love and positiveness*
my hugs are that special...

Been there done that. Not fun. I would have left if I had been in that situation. I once broke some patio furniture at a local restaurant. I just stare out those evil plastic chairs now....

hope today finds you feeling happier.

arielcircleofnine said...

I hope you let yourself off the hook for wetting that bed at 5 years old. Let yourself off the hook for the stupid chair with the stupid arms too; totally retarded configuration for a chair afterall.
We all have real shitty weeks at times; and sometimes we cave and do things to nurture our wounded parts, thats OK. Just promise yourself you'll stop the pepperoni parade today! You deserve better fuel for your fabulousness; no garbage in there!
~one of the cheerleaders :-D

Natasha said...

I broke one of those chairs you lie in to get waxed. I pushed off the arm while trying to get into it and it came apart from the base. The girl said it was an old chair, but I still felt like a complete fattie. Makes you feel so blah.

A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare said...

I think you should assume that the chair was already broken :) And now some skinny chick will sit on it and break it.

Ok that was mean to skinny chicks!

I'm sorry that you are having a tough week, I just found your blog through a comment you left on mine, and I cant wait to keep up with your blog!

Dina said...

Update!

Losing Waist! said...

Wow. I think most of weightloss blogland can relate. I personally have had many embarassing battles with patio furniture- the plastic kind. I can barely get into the ones with arms, and the worst is when they start to melt down as the legs bend under my body weight, and I have to sneak out of the chair without anyone noticing that I have started sinking towards the ground. I feel you! It sucks ass. It is humiliating and fills me with shame. The flip side is that you would think that in the "obesity epidemic" that is sweeping the nation (supposedly)that chairs would be made a little stronger.

twinkelydots said...

moving up

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