Thursday, March 26, 2009

No fraternizing with the help...

I don't really know what to update about today. I was gonna tell you guys about the dream I had last night about Chris Farley, but Dina says talking about dreams is lame, and being lame is my greatest fear so that's out. (I have to do this: "Well if loving my kids is lame, then I guess I'm just a big Lame!") (Parenthetical P.S. - I bet if you guys don't watch The Simpsons, about 97% of this blog doesn't make sense to you. Soory about that.)

So since I got nothing good to say, I'll continue bitching about work. So...I guess I'm getting moved. Like, they're kicking me out of my cubicle where I've spent months accumulating odd desk decor, and making me move to a new one...by the boss. The reason is that I guess I talk too much to the people around me. I can't help it, man. This place is fucking boring and I'm tethered to my desk with a goddamn headset so what is there for me to do once my work is done? Talk! I can't understand why a company wouldn't want their employees to be friendly with their co-workers. I don't get it.

They're trying to turn us all into little Stepford employees. Wear the matching blazers and high heel shoes. Put on this headset. Say THIS to the customers. Don't go on these websites. Don't talk to people who aren't customers. Sit there quietly until your next call comes in. Don't make such a goddamn mess when your head explodes.

GRR.

In true giant baby form, I came in today with my ass on my shoulders about it and was like "OH THEY DON'T WANT ME TO TALK FINE I WON'T TALK WE'LL SEE HOW THEY LIKE IT WHEN I DON'T TALK AT ALL!" That lasted like...40 minutes. Man, eff that. They wanna move me, that's fine. I'm just gonna talk to those people over there now. They can keep moving me until I end up like Milton in the basement for all I care. If they take away the internet, I will quit though. For real, I will burn this place to the ground...

Oh yeah, also while I'm on a work rant, I should mention that a lot of the chicks up here are doing shots of Human Growth Hormone to lose weight now. It's really pissing me off because it's WORKING. I know I can't do it because I'm diabetic but it's like...shit. At first I didn't care because I thought it was gonna be some fluke and it'd pass and they'd all get fat again, but now that my best work buddy is doing it, it's like in my face all the time. She eats like her 3oz of broiled chicken breast and she's all "whew, I am stuffed." Meanwhile I'm like licking my soup bowl just to make sure no drop of broth escapes. I mean, am I the only one who thinks this is a weird way to lose weight? I dunno what to think anymore. The whole world's gone mad.

8 comments:

twinkelydots said...

Just make sure you take your red stapler with you.

Human growth hormones??? WTF???

ewww.

TJ said...

Rock on Milton. lol

Those people taking that HGH will end up with hands growing out of places that we don't want to discuss. Be lucky that you can't do that as a form of weight loss. Lol

:) Ive never worked in a cubical. Mine would be decorated hella cool though. lol

~TMcGee~ said...

I"ve never heard of HGH...it sounds like a science experience that will go very wrong. Ick.....

Shelley said...

I love your blog and all of your pop culture references! HGH is scary crap and those women are stupid for taking it.

P.S. At least they don't make you wear flair at your job!

Dina said...

HGH huh? I'ma look into that! WRITE ABOUT THE GODDAMN DREAM! How can you have a dream about awesome ass Chris Farley, and not write about it! It oughta be a crime!

I am so bad with the not talking thing. I would like strike up a conversation with Bill O'Reilly (HEAR THAT SHIT CARLOS?) if that was the only person to talk to. I go crazy without being able to talk. The shitty place I worked (FRIGGIN ZONDERVAN CRAPHOLE) had that rule that you couldn't talk. IN A DAMN WAREHOUSE! So we had to work like 60 hr weeks (uphill, both ways!) and not get to talk, just listen to headphones. Lame! Not that you would really even want to talk to most of the people I worked with. Anyhow.

I always post these long ass comments on your blog, but when it comes to posting, I'm like "um, bad day, I laughed at a fart joke, the end".

Mel said...

" And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire..."


yes.. I really had to quote it all...

May said...

omg. Im not going to even blog anymore, between your blog and Dinas blog, I laugh the entire time(thanks for the workout) You guys rock! And the comments your readers leave are just as hysterical.

HGH sounds a bit like cannibalism. I'll stick to my pizza.

twinkelydots said...

moving up.

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