Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Get fat quick schemes...

I think dieting is making me fatter.

Specifically, failing at diets is making me fatter.

I've always been an over-eater, but I think dieting has turned me into a true binger.

When I started my first diet when I was in my 20s, I was of course, obese. But I was reasonably healthy, meaning I would walk forever and not be winded, and I could keep up with my life and the people in it. I lost a bunch of weight doing Atkins because I was perfect for 10 months. Then on Halloween, I had some chocolate. Then I had some more. Then more. Then I ate more chocolate in one sitting than I ever have. Then I ate a pizza. Wtf?

I never ate that much before. That continued for months.

Now it's like every Monday I'm starting a new diet. Which means every Sunday afternoon I'm eating 6 pounds of fettucini alfredo like I'm storing it up to survive on my fat for the next three months. But by Wednesday, I'm back to eating bullshit. Starting diets is giving me a perfect excuse to binge as much as I want...guilt-free. And that sucks. I don't wanna diet anymore. I just wanna eat less. And I'm sick of setting myself up for failure.

I'm not fat because I'm addicted to food. I'm fat because I'm addicted to overeating. Bottomless pit. It's embarrassing. Needs to stop. Somewhere in my head there has to be a part that says "hey, don't you think you've had enough, big girl?" But so far that bitch ain't talking.

Anyway. I'm not gonna obsess over diets anymore. This obviously isn't working for me, and whether you call it a lifestyle change or torture or whatever else, it's still not working, so fuck it. I know what I need to do. So I'll try to do it.

Furthermore, I can't use this blog to just talk about food and weight anymore. I'm fortunate to have people who are in the struggle with me, and I do appreciate it, but my problems range far beyond just the weight so I'm going to use this blog to talk about lots of problems, not just fat ones. If that's not okay with you, I understand if I lose a few followers. I get that I talk like a sailor and maybe say things that offend some of you, but that's me, and I can't apologize for being myself in my own blog.

So...that's it for now. No hard feelings and...wish me luck? :)

19 comments:

Dina said...

Aww Tricia, you're all deep and shit!

I will read you BECAUSE you don't only talk about dieting. A man can not live on bread alone, wait that is a kind of shitty analogy. Or something.

Now you're like I am, and stuck with a stupid weight loss URL for blogger, hahah!

FatGirlSlim said...

Awwww...

Smile girl.

I have the same problem... which is LOTS of problems. Much love.

Kelly said...

You can lose weight. I know you can. I've failed so many times before too and it totally sucks. I know.
But you can have fettuccini alfredo and all of your other favorite foods. Just gotta learn how to make them lower calorie. And then get moving. Yeah it hurts like hell at first but then you get stronger and it feels good.

I'm not going anywhere. :) Um, unless you want me to. LOL

Scale Warfare said...

Its your blog chickie, you can do and say whatever you want on it :) Dont let the haters get to you. Its just like TV or Radio, if you dont like whats on, tune into another channel.

Diet/Life Style Change/Whatever wise, you have to do what works for you. If one thing doesnt work, the next might, but dont give up :) As long as it isnt some quick fix, you'll be golden.

bbubblyb said...

Go for it Tricia, our weight is about so much more than food anyway. This is your blog too and you talk about whatever you want. I love your style and your sailor mouth lol. I'll still be right here with you reading along.

TJ said...

Talk about anything and every thing, I dont care! I am behind ya girlie!

:)tj

Mel said...

There came a point in my blogging where I just had to talk about more than food/diet/exercise... It's your blog.. talk about whatever the hell you want to! We certainly all didn't get fat just because of food.. it was a bunch of stuff... so you do what you want! I will still listen.. er... Read.. and root for you!!

Camevil said...

I love how forthright you are in your blogs. I've been there many times. Oh man, have I.

Suggestion? Intuitive eating. It's the anti-diet and it really worked, especially because there was no deprivation (which is a diet's major flaw).

But, yeah.

And blogging should be about whatever is on your mind. Quite frankly, talking about weight loss all the time gets boring. Blog for you. Blog for shits 'n giggles. Just write what you want.

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Good luck! I look forward to more of your posts.

Its all about me said...

You are more than just weight loss so getting to know you as a whole will be great. This is your blog and you should feel free to express you day as you wish.

wildfluffysheep said...

Hell yeah. I say blog about anything. :D bloggity bloggity blog blog blog :D

Kudos on the realisations. Got to do what works for you, missus.

twinkelydots said...

Whatever woman. Whatever.

You're the shit.

You write. I'll read.

Whatever woman. Whatever.

*Kristine* said...

Diet talk or not I'm gonna keep on following your blog. You tell it like it is, you're funny, and creative and I LIKE IT!

Keep writing cuz we're here to read it!

Rachel Ruminates said...

Maybe we are all fat because we have no life outside of food? You have the right "write" idea...go ahead, talk about what you want...and you know we will all be here to read it...because you are so talented!

Diana said...

You know what Tricia? I just love you! You're so honest and so real, it's refreshing. None of that fake, life is great shit that makes me want to puke.

I love hearing about your life. You call it boring, but the way you write it, it's anything but boring. I think you're fascinating. I think I have a girl crush on you. ;)

I understand the whole bottomless pit. That's the real me. I can outeat everyone I know, including my husband. When I'm not trying to lose weight or maintain my weight, I eat like there's no tomrrow, like I'm storing up for a famine. I totally get what you're saying.

If dieting doesn't work for you, then try something different. You will find your answer, just don't give up.

twinkelydots said...

Count up! (but since I already commented will it count it again??

Dina said...

that shit is cheating! (see above)

I am quitting following you, because you offend me because you don't talk about toast every day.

twinkelydots said...

Toast toast Toast.

Pam said...

I'm here wherever you decide to steer this blog girl. Onward!

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