Monday, April 20, 2009

It's SO damn hot! Milk was a bad choice!

I'm blogging again because I'm bored.
Now my boredom is your boredom. See? Sharing!
Dudes, I am NOT looking forward to summer. I know a lot of you have been bitching for like the past 6 months about snow, but it has been FREAKING GREAT here in Vegas. Then today, this happened:
NINETY THREE?
Dear Sun:
You realize it's still fucking April, right? YOU CAN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW! Please fuck off for at least another month, then I will begrudgingly deal with you as best I can.

Sincerely,
Paleface.

I am fat. And this body is not built for heat. Like, there's only so much Gold Bond powder in the world, you know?

Plus, I don't have air conditioning in my car. That sucks. How much is that to get fixed? I should do that. I hope it's not expensive because I dunno if I can survive another summer here without it. When it gets up to like 115 outside, and you have your car windows down, you are essentially driving around in a big fucking hair dryer. And did I mention that I am fat? Because that makes it worse.
People are always like "well hey, at least it's a dry heat." You know what else is a dry heat? An oven. At least when there's humidity, you can sweat. You don't even sweat here! You just stand there getting redder and redder until you turn to ash and crumble away.

I'm hoping this 90+ business is just a fluke and it'll give me at least one more bearable month, but I guess we'll see. Rest assured, I will keep you posted.

In other news: Jeff's been being a dick all day today. Aren't potheads supposed to be all happy on 4/20? He pissed me off, so I cleaned the house. The only time I really ever want to clean is when I'm super pissed off. I don't know why. It's like "I'm gonna clean the SHIT outta this kitchen, THAT'LL SHOW HIM!" Dumb.

You guys wanna see his giant bong? Okay, here:

Maybe next time I say something is giant, you guys will believe me!

I'm outta here, I've whined enough for one night.

18 comments:

Losing Waist! said...

Umm... being in Las Vegas means that you can bitch just as much as the people who are in the other extreme that gets hit by the winter. I don't know if there is actually a perfect place for weather (except coastal southern California... but who can afford that?).

wildfluffysheep said...

Sharing is caring :P

My skin glows it is so pale. The sun is not my friend either.

I never want to clean....

big_mummy said...

93 can fuck off! i always wanted to go to LV but maybe i need a rethink, until im skinny with an airconditioned car anyway

A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare said...

I live outside of DC, and we have hotish summers (mid 90's) with ridiculous humidity. The way I see it, anything over about OH 87 is just effing hot. Whether its a dry heat or a wet heat, its fucking hot

Shelley said...

My grandparents used to live in LV and I spent a lot of time visiting them in the summer, so I know that heat! Of course, we live in south Texas, where the humidity makes you sweat from the top of your head downward - so frickin' gross.

P.S. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.

Dina said...

Man, I could NOT DEAL with that heat. It needs to be sub zero temperatures for me to sleep at night.

Aimee said...

i love the new layout!!!

milk is never a good idea. period. the thoughts of drinking that stuff - ewwwww.

~TMcGee~ said...

I hear you on the fat and heat do not mix...well, not well anyway. Couple that with a big ole pair of jeans and it makes for one sweltering summer. Girl, I'd be saving every bit of spare change to fix that car a/c. lol Hopefully, those temps were just a fluke. :-)

Camevil said...

....And that's why I say away from the heat belt. ick.

Camevil said...

P.S.

That bong is obscene. What's so wrong with a one hitter? So much classier and easier to manage.

Diana said...

I hear you about the heat - I hate it when it's hot (dry heat - I hate that term). That's why you should move to my area of the country...Seattle. We get snow on April 1. Now that really sucks!

We were in Vegas last August and the only way I could bear the 110 heat was to sit in the pool for hours with an iced coffee. Okay, it was really a gin and tonics, but iced coffee sounds more lady-like..plus it was like 1pm, not really "cocktail" hour. Whatever.

Love the new look of your blog. I'm jealous. I'm a programmer but I barely know html, and I don't work with web sites, so mine is a boring template that probably thousands of other people have the same look. Yours is cool...just like you. :)

arielcircleofnine said...

I lived in Mississippi for 3 years or so back in the day; no air conditioning in my car and that is most def NOT a dry heat! That cliche about dry heat pretty much loses any value once you heat like 90+ anyway....
One day my rearview mirror melted right off the window. Take heed! Fix that AC :-D

Mel said...

are you in a glass case of emotion?!

I hate heat. period.
but I also hate snow/cold...
where's the happy medium?!

Carlos said...

strip joints and casinos have air conditioning

330nomore said...

I agree with you on the hot temps I live in Louisiana (dry heat, humid heat) it all sucks

twinkelydots said...

Look at all the people trying to up their count. BACK you FREAKS!!

When I lived in Palm Springs & didn't have air conditioning in my car I always had a permanent sweat mark where my seat belt went across my chest.

So pretty!

Dina said...

twinkelydots is the pot calling the kettle!

I come back from my shit Lansing day to find out I got usurped!

twinkelydots said...

Hello Kettle?? Glad to see yah.

Post a Comment