Friday, May 29, 2009

Don't read this.

***WARNING: I am about to post possibly the bitchiest blog post to date. There will be no humorous tales or Dina screenshots so proceed at your own risk. Also, I will say Fuck a lot.***


Today was the shittiest Friday in the history of the world. I am so fucking OVER the cell phone bullshit. This was day 3 of unsuccessful negotiations and I'm about ready to just say fuck it and revert back to an old rotary dialer and slowly phase technology out of my life forever. Last night I went to Wal-Mart to pick up the G1. Well, the bitch is like "sorry, I get off in 10 minutes, I can't help you." Wtf? I gave her my best hate-filled confused gaze and she informs me that due to company policy, they're not allowed overtime, so I'll just have to deal with it and come back tomorrow. Fine, even though I think it's fucked up, FINE.

So I go back on my lunch break today and of course, she's on break. 20 minutes later, she comes strolling up with a bag of Lay's and a Mountain Dew and helps the people that were in front of me in line. Another 20 minutes passes. Finally, my turn. "Yeah, I was here yesterday, I still wanna upgrade." "Oh yeah, I remember you. But, we don't have any G1s." This is when my head explodes. Like, why the fuck couldn't you have told me you didn't have those shits last night when you had TEN MINUTES LEFT and you couldn't help me? WHY TELL ME TO COME BACK TOMORROW? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A CUNT?? I hate you. I walk away because the last thing I need is to start a screaming match with this dumb bitch in the middle of a fucking Wal-Mart which is already like white trash capital of the universe. Let's not make this harder than it has to be.

I get back to work in full-on rage and proceed to have a fucking miserable afternoon of being treated like shit by crabby old assholes calling in looking for their social security checks. The first is on a Monday, BACK OFF. I fucking hate the end of the month bullshit at work.

After work, I have to go get all cracked and adjusted at the chiropracter again where I was stared at for a good half hour by a 5-year old in a fedora. At least she didn't ask her dad why I was so fat, which I love, really. Maybe she asked in the car. Thanks for that, at least.

Then it's off to yet another WalMart to try to get the damn phone. This time I see the line of people and decide to ask if they have the phone before I wait in this sweaty ass line. It is in stock, okay...great. So I wait 46 minutes and I finally am NEXT. This is it, I can feel it. So I do the paperwork and give the girl my ID and she comes back with "oh, it says you don't have an account with T-Mobile." Hmm. Turns out that since Jeff is the primary on the account, my information is basically useless and even though the phone is like RIGHT THERE on the counter like inches away from my frustrated grip, I can't have it. "Nope, sorry, I could lose my job." God forbid this bitch loses her prestigious Wal-Mart job over my phone so again, I walk away. It's not her fault, and I really wasn't pissed at her, but you know how when you're having a shitty shitty fucking shitty day, everything that goes wrong seems like the worst thing in the world?

Yes, well I was there. My eyes were getting that frustrated mist and I was like DONT CRY OVER A FUCKING PHONE YOU ASSHOLE so I cut that shit out and just got in the car and drove away.

Feeling like an utter failure, I decide to add insult to injury by getting a Slurpee on the way home. Obviously that is the smart thing to do. Let's feed this anger. Isn't that how that saying goes? Starve a cold, Feed your shitty rage? Something like that.

Anyway, I'm in line waiting to pay for my Slurpee when this dude in front of me is like staring me down like I'm covered in shit. For the record, I NEVER INVITE CONFRONTATION. For all my sailorish talk and biting sarcasm, I'm actually really shy and a total pacifist. But, I dunno, like, I just snapped. Like, this dude obviously had some kind of lip cancer or something because his lip was like about to fucking fall off his face, and here he is buying a can of copenhagen, YET I'm being stared at for being a fattie buying a Slurpee. Fuck that. "Man, what the fuck are you looking at?" Like I said it before I even knew I was saying it. Rage.

"NOTHING!" he said like I had no fucking right to ask. Fuck him. Dead-lipped asshole. Then I had to get checked out by the clerk I HATE. He's all nice and cool with everyone and then he never says like 2 words to me. I ask him for a bag and he puts the shit on the counter EVERY TIME like it's not his fucking job to bag my shit up. He's a fucking fat nerd and if there's one thing I HATE it's a fucking fat dude that hates fat girls. Like, get the fuck over yourself. Maybe you wouldn't be such a lonely asshole nerd if you could embrace your fucking fat equals instead of treating me like some piece of shit because we share a similar shirt size, you self-serving cock.

Like, seriously, nothing pisses me off more than a fat person who hates fat people. I can not fucking stand it. Life is not a fucking sitcom and you are not going to end up with some skinny bitch just because you look like Kevin James, you fat bastard. I hate you, really I do.

I came home and put the Slurpee in the freezer and just cried for like 5 minutes to get this shitty day out of my head. Maybe it's PMS, I dunno. I can't tell if I'm being extra-sensitive or if this disastrous attitude is warranted. It's still in the freezer. I didn't even drink it. Sometimes I just wanna buy shit. I dunno. I really don't know what the fuck my deal is...I'm just being irrational. Fuck this day. At least it's almost over.

Tomorrow I'm getting a pedicure and bangs so if both turn out shitty, I'll know that the universe is actually out to get me.

You know, I used to be a fairly optimistic person. I know it's in me somewhere to just be happy. I really gotta get back to that part. Maybe I need to give therapy another try. I'm sick of being pissed off and jaded all the time. Shit's no fun.


Losing Waist! said...

This post range true to my heart. All of the things we all think... made into neat and tidy little paragraphs! Love it. I am glad you got all of this out!

It is funny. I fucking hate my brother-in-law because he is a complete douche-bag and says shit about fat women... well he has gained about 50 pounds in the last ten months (which is not that much for ME, but for is a fucking drama- haha!). Life always comes around and bites those who need it in the ass.

Diana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Diana said...

You had a craptastic day. It's okay to bitch about it. Venting is good. And that's what we're all here for, to listen to you.

I'm glad you gave shit to that fat-hater. He deserved it (and more, maybe a swift kick to the head - what a moron).

Funny thing about being happy, I think most of us aren't really there. We all have moments, maybe even hours, when life seems worth it. The rest of the time, well, not so much.

Hang in there. You know after a good night's sleep you'll feel a hell of a lot better.

arielcircleofnine said...

Im glad you asked the lip cancer asshole what the fuck he was looking at. People like that are not confronted often and that takes balls---Im sure he was utterly shocked. FUCKER

The 5 year old in a fedora, I must admit that sentence made me laugh outloud and it didnt even contain the F-word. Unless you count "fedora"....
You know what commercial I just love? When I say love I mean hate. I dunno its for burger king I think, where the song Cherry Pie is playing in the background and some ugly slob of a guy is sitting on a park bench eating a big greazy burger when some gorgeous stick-thin supermodel with mile-long legs and big boobs comes along in slow-mo and hands him her phone number? And you know WHY I hate it? Cuz there are SO many ugly slobs who feel entitled to supermodels. I swear what IS that?? (Damn; another comment where I sound like I hate men!!)
Anyway Tricia, you had a rotten-ass day, its not you. You did well not to blow up at people all day long cuz I think I may have done the white trash thing at Walmart the first time. Those of us that know customer service hate getting bad customer service dont we? Bitch with 10 minutes left is lucky she lived through the night.
Im rambling on and on and this is your blog hehe.
Im going now, but here's a hug...cuz you deserve it and Im just gay like that!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I know it probably wasn't especially enjoyable to relive your sh*tty day in blog form, but I think that's a form of therapy in and of itself. Change... true change... comes so fucking slowly that it makes giving up seem to be the only truly sensible option. Don't give up (except about the may just need to give that bitch up).

Shelley said...

That was one hell of a crappy day, Tricia - sorry you had to go through it. I hope you get your new phone today with no problems...and that your bangs come out cute. Sending you a hug because sometimes you just need one!

tantra flower said...

I always feel better after I vent in writing. Writing it out is a purging process. And the more cursing, the better. I also call women cunts and bitches (only the stupid ones) when I'm venting, which seems so out of character for me. I just don't get to do it on my blog because my mom reads it. lol

Sorry your day was so crappy. I hope you are able to get your phone soon.

Dina said...

Holy shit! Why the hell didn't that bitch tell you they were out YESTERDAY. I think that is the giant, rage inducing, last straw. Seriously. Make Jeff go get you a phone before he goes to work. Threaten his life if necessary.

You know what this whole entry would be cool as? Some little simple line drawn cartoon, showing your day, with you doing a voice over, and fading in to "Kathy" (the lame comic) style screams. I can see it.

Hope you have a better day today.

TJ said...

hope today is a better day for ya Tricia! I've had days like that-where nothing goes right. Glad you vented to us, we can all relate! Id love to see a pic of the new hair-do if you feel like sharing with us! Maybe Jeff can go with you to get the phone???

Carlos said...

told you to get a blackberry

~TMcGee~ said...

Is it wrong that I laughed at what Carlos said? ;-) I'm sorry you had such a crappy day, I agree with Dina..make Jeff get you the phone, threaten to out him at the airport when he's sneaking his happy stash.

Amy said...

I'm sorry. I laughed at your no-good-very-bad day. I thought that kind of crap only happened to me.
You know, when people give you crap when you're out and about, start crying. Seriously.

Julie said...

I totally laughed my ass off... because I totally get you. I have been there, many times.
Fuck you universe for shitting on us.

I'm sorry you had a crap time, it will turn around.

Lauren said...

I hope your bangs and manicure turned out all right. We all have days like that, you aren't alone, and that first walmart chick was a total douche, and I'm pretty sure if her bosses had overheard, she would have been fired.

bbubblyb said...

I was thinking the same thing about Jeff getting you the phone. Hope you cheer up.

Dina said...

Post a pic of your bangs!

Also, grumpy posts get a ton of comments obviously!

The Lazy Triathlete said...

I like Dina's post!!! What is about cell phones that just piss people off? My personal most hated organization is Comcast Cable. I feel that way reguarly with them.

Chris H said...

OMG! You can pack a shit even better than me! WELL DONE. I love how you express yourself.. every shitty shitty fucking shitty bit of it. SO THERE.

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