It's safe to say I have a love/hate relationship with my dad. I did send him a card with a check and some deodorant he can't seem to find lately in town (weird, I know.) I called and did the whole Happy Father's Day routine with him. He knows I love him...as long as I'm far far away. In person my dad is a real miserable guy to be around. Some of the darkest times in my life were spent in a locked room with him telling me what a terrible fat useless person I was through a crack in the door while I cried like a maniac.
I have every right to hate him given the circumstances, but I guess for the most part, I don't. I do hate the way he treated my mom like shit her whole life and now gets to play the whole poor sad widower part like he lost the great love of his life. The truth is that my mom pulled a fast one by dying first and leaving him to fend for himself for the first time in his life. It's not something easy to learn in your 70s. So I fluctuate between these feelings of "I'm sorry you have to go through this" and "KARMA IS A BITCH!" I dunno. It's hard to keep the peace sometimes when I listen to him go off on his "woe is me" tangents. He lived his whole life treating us like shit, and now he questions even the slightest hint of animosity against him. There's major denial, that's all I'll say.
I still do my best to call him every other day even though he mostly talks about the same five subjects:
-how much my sisters disrespect him
-how he's tired of my sister-in-law decorating the house
-how much money he still owes on that truck he can't afford
-how much he misses me being around to "aggravate" (read: torture)
-how he's sick of these mexicans taking over every goddamn thing...sigh.
Anytime I start to feel sorry for my dad, I remember the time my mom was crying in the bathroom and I walked in to see what was wrong. I was seven years old and she said to me "I wish I could just die to get away from HIM." That one sentence pretty much fucked with me my entire life. It's like a Get Out of Guilt Free Card.
Oh well, Happy Father's Day and whatnot. If you're a dad, be nice to your kids. One day you'll be an old jerk and you'll need someone to buy you out-of-stock deodorant and not everyone's as nice as me. SO yeah.