When the good people of POM contacted me to try their fancy devil juice, I said okay because I can't say no to anything free (try me!) Normally, juice is not something I would spend money on because I'm one of those assholes who's always like "JUST DRINK WATER - IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!" Jeff goes through like a gallon of cranberry juice a nite, so I don't really need to be adding to the beverage bill in this house if we still wanna have luxuries like gas and power.
That being said, even hardcore water addicts like me need a little switcheroo SOMETIMES. So I tried to make some fancy POM cocktails and I had visions of showing up here to blog with calorie counts and nutritional info, but alas, the vodka just forced out a post about my failing relationship and I woke up the next day with a horsehead in my bed. OKAY POM PEOPLE, I'm on it. Chillax.
FIRST...there was the Rosey POMer. So named because of the rosy color and also because it made me want to masturbate. Mix Vodka, Perrier, POM, and some barely legal porn. Stick a lemon wedge in there if you have it because we don't wanna look like some white trash juke joint in here. Nothing is too fancy for my free juice. This is prolly like...14 calories or something. Have ten and then pour your heart out on blogger. This should yield you a lot of comments as people love reading about misery.
Next up, we got the POM Collins. Not to be confused with a Tom Collins, because those are gross. You may be looking at this picture and saying "Whoa, two kinds of juices, what am I, made of money?" Silly. I live in Las Vegas. All I have to do is sit at a slot machine and wait for an old lady to walk by in a feathery outfit and ask me what I want. "ONE PINEAPPLE JUICE PLEASE!" You even get it in a fancy single-serve can shown here. Though for the record, that can was actually two servings. Mix in a shot of Vodka and the ever important POM juice, and you've got a party in your mouth (and everyone's cumming! GET IT??) 7 calories. Drink seven...1 point.
Sunday morning, I was obviously feeling shitty. Also, I only have one fancy glass, and I forgot to wash it so I just decided to mix up some POM tea. Make some tea, pour in some POM, and then drink it. This glass was also free because I stole it from Sam's Town the night of my office Christmas party.
So each bottle of POM is only 150 cals, and I made 5 drinks per bottle. So...that's like...math. I would probably buy some if I wanted to spend another weekend drinking myself into a deep depression, but thanks to THE AWESOME POM CORPORATION, I still have 6 unopened bottles to go. This whole adventure only cost 79cents for the perrier and 13 cents for the lemon.
So...yeah...POM...get some. I got like 20 comments that night and you guys know you want some of that action. GET SOME!
Also, I would like to end on this note because it's been cracking me up for like an hour:
THE FUTURE IS OURS!