Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Straight Up Gangsta.

I may have neglected to mention that on the night I had my "heart episode", we went out for like an all-you-can-eat fried catfish dinner. With fries. And hush puppies. And a salad bar that I didn't even walk up to. So it really was no shock to me to be feeling super shitty after a meal like that. But I still wonder...like, why did I do it? Aside from the obvious answer of pure deliciousness, why would I think it's worth the pain? I'm not even talking emotional pain here, I'm talking like "ow my heart ow my stomach" pain, you know?

Then earlier I was talking to my brother today about how I lost my camera/begging for a new one and he's all "hey, remember when we used to steal?" Ugh, I remember! I'm not talking about like a piece of candy here, I mean...we used to freaking steal. A lot. We had quite a little racket going between him, my sister-in-law, me and my niece.

My brother and my neice would go into Target and steal a few boxes of those overpriced Isotoner gloves (the OJ gloves!) Then they'd come out to the car, and we'd drive to another Target. Then me and my sister-in-law would take the gloves in for an exchange. So we'd use the store credit to buy all the big shit my brother couldn't stuff down his pants...like...a freaking Christmas tree! And ornaments. And all the other various Christmas stuff we didn't have. My mom was in the hospital and we just wanted to make it nice for her so I didn't think what we were doing was all that evil.

BUT...thinking back on it, I'm like JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH WE USED TO STEAL. I mean, we grew up poor. Well, we're still poor, but I couldn't imagine stealing ANYTHING these days. Plus I'm overly paranoid about it. Like if I open a soda in a store, I make a big deal about taping the reciept to the bottle so there's no one like "HEY! I recognize that girl! She's that fat little theif from the Great Glove Caper of 1989! GET HER, GUYS!"

Oh lordy. Still get kinda queasy to my stomach thinking about doing that sneaky shit.

But you know, I GREW UP. I learned that stealing is wrong and that it's just not worth going to jail or losing my job or whatever else just for like...a new camera (swoon.) I would never even dream of it these days.

Here comes the point of this post...I need to grow the fuck up about food! I had my fried fun! It's time to grow up and realize that eating a plate full of fat and grease isn't worth the consequences. Yes, I want to eat junk, but I'm old enough now to know that it's not fucking worth it.

I wonder why I was so effectively able to learn to say no to stealing, because, believe me, I HATE PAYING FOR THINGS, but I just do it. Because I HAVE to. So now I need that same switch in my head to go off and tell me that I HAVE to eat better. Hurry up, you stupid switch!

That being said, I did eat pretty well today. The only tiny baby slipup was one pineapple LifeSaver because I was falling asleep at work. But that ain't no thang.

Here's today's HIGH FIVE!
1. Goin' to trivia!
2. Jeff found the spare set of keys...YES!
3. Good eats.
4. Frozen yogurt!
5. Talking to my brother always fills me with LOLz.

See ya tomorrow!

P.S. Don't judge my stealing ways! I was young and impressionable and I just wanted to have a nice Christmas for my poor sick mommy and and and...I really wanted that Jem Doll.


Dina said...

Would it be shitty of me to play my I DIDN'T GET ANY CHRISTMAS card?

Okay, I won't then.

That was TWENTY years ago so you were like 11 or something, so, not your fault. And I hope you find your switch.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I've been working on the Isotoner case for twenty years, and finally I get my big break. It was the perfect crime... until she confessed.

Rachel said...

Who didn't want Jem? She was outrageous, truly outrageous.

TJ said...

would you accept a donation? I have an old ( in perfect condition - you would never know it was used) Canon but its only a 3.2 mega pixel. I would love it if someone could use it, and I do enjoy seeing pics on your blog :) Email me...

tjbooboo@gmail.com :)

tantra flower said...

I would never judge you. I certainly wouldn't want you judging me for my past. :O

Action Jackson said...

As long as you haven't committed genocide, your good in my book. And, to your point... my personal method for keeping things under control during the day is keeping a physical reminder with me at all times. I wear a ring on my necklace, kind of as a promise to myself, and whenever I see a McDonald's or crave a beer or whatever, I just remember that ring and sometimes touching it helps, and in a way it soothes my urges. I don;'t know if it's a good method, but it hasn't failed me yet. Maybe you need to find yourself a reminder? Worth a shot I guess. Way to have a clean day today, every step is important, and every step is more important than the last. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

I changed my eating habits, slowly, by making myself eat a buttload of produce. It helps that I like the stuff, but it also doesn't always leave room for much else.

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

You guys make me feel so young...damn Dina twenty years ago I was only five (almost six!).

I'm so craving deep fried tasty deliciousness. I don't know what it is with this whole making myself workout everyday but I find I'm uber hungry, for lots of bad for you food...AAAAALLL the time

Chris H said...

I don't know many grown ups who didn't steal at least ONCE as a kid! I did... only I got caught.... OH THE SHAME, THE EMBARASSMENT, and lets not forget the sore bum from the walloping I got!

big_mummy said...

yeh i got caught too- stealing £1 worth of fruit juice. last of the greats- thats me

Julie said...

Hey you did not get caught and you still stopped. That shows me you are a good person. ;)

I hope you get a cam soon, I know what it's like to go days without mine and I freaked out and bought a new one like a week later.

Lorie said...

Keep working at it. It has taken me a long time to get past the bad food. After a while I just didn't want it anymore. It was work, but worth it.

wildfluffysheep said...

It sucks goat arse not having a camera. I feel bad for you girl! Interesting post and some well made points. I stole a pair of socks once...

Amy said...

I pay the piper every time I go to have a wine cooler or anything made with beer. It gives me a migraine.

When I was a kid (6, maybe), my mom and I were at Hickory Farm and I saw all these beef sticks next to the samples, so I thought they were samples as well. I grabbed one and started chomping. My mom was like 'What the......', grabbed it and stuffed it in her purse. Then she tries to tell me *I* was the one that stole it.

Camevil said...

That buffet probably caused the heart episode. Dang.

But, man, I've done that. Many times. Cigarettes used to send me to the emergency room with perceived heart attacks. Yet, I'd light up again once I was let out. I cannot 'splain human behavior.

I've been watching this blog for the past week, to see how you're doing. Hope you're doing better today. *insert kitteh "hang in there" poster here*

A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare said...

Before I started this whole eat healthy journey, I used to get heartburn ALL DAY LONG. Seriously me and TUMS were best buddies, I had a jar in my purse, in my car, in my desk, by the bed, in the bathrooms in the kitchen. I knew I was eating shit and I knew it hurt, but I still ate it anyways. I've probably used TUMS 2 times in the past 6 months, because of binges or whatever you want to call them.

I think I got to a point that I didnt care anymore about the consequences of my eating, I just ate because the food tasted so good. Now that I'm basically heart burn free, I have started avoiding the crap food like the plague.

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