Monday, August 17, 2009

She Choppin' Broccoliiii...

Is Blogger still being crappy? I'm blogging at 8:18 in the AM so maybe you'll be able to see it by some time next week. You know, I left FreeWebs for this kinda faulty service, so please try harder, Blogger! Be a better representative of the great awesome amazing Google that made you. (swoon...I love you, googz!)

It's Day One of SUGAR DETOX. Sigh. I actually feel somewhat optimisitic, which is rare for me, so gimme a second to breathe it all in. Low-carb's not terrible. I mean, at least I can eat meat. And ceasar salads. I am a freaking dinosaur, all I need is meat, leaves and a promise of impending doom to keep me going. Trishceratops.

I wanna try to like, not let it be like the last time I did low (no) carbs. That weird diet of nothing all day then like...a side of beef for dinner. I wanna make sure I eat at least one salad a day and not have pickles be my only vegetable. I dunno how I did that shit for ten months without ever cheating once. So unlike me. Then I ate a peanut butter cup on Halloween and gained 40 pounds that hour. True story.

Some part of me thinks that doing Atkins again is like going back to an old boyfriend. Things were good at first. Then we both started to find small ways to cheat on each other that turned into major abuse until we finally just agreed to an amicable split. And I walked away with a promise to NEVER go back. BUT HERE I AM. Because I miss the way he made my ass smaller. And how I could walk without wanting to die. It's like you know that he'll do...for now...but you just don't see him as being the one in your life forever. Still better than getting fatter while I search for my Life Partner Diet though.

Anyway, in conclusion, here goes nothing.

P.S. My assistant manager at work always wears this freaking perfume that smells like cupcakes. I guess it's vanilla or some shit, but she puts SO much of it on and then walks all around the cubicles essentially turning this place into Charm City Cakes. Today, I can't decide if I want to kill her or eat her. I just wish she'd get a less appetizing perfume. Like eau de broccoli.

22 comments:

Dina said...

Good luck trichceratops!

Tina said...

I am a sugar addict. If I have even a little bit I want more and more and more. I commend you for staying away from it!!

Camevil said...

Trishceratop stomp and kill carbs. *rawrrrr*

TjRenee said...

Yes, Blogger is still being shitty! Grrr!!

Wishing you luck with the detox and all. Good to know you're not standing with your face in a corner shaking all uncontrollable like. Pffttt!

Amy said...

Addict from Dior?

My kids hate when I have vanilla smelling stuff - candles, perfumes. They're like "Oooooo are you baking cupca----oh."

I'm low carbing, too. It doesn't suck.

Stages of Change said...

I remember when I was a teenager and I figured out the "Choppin Broccoli" song on the piano. I was so happy I brielfy played and sang the song about the lady that went downtown, bought some brocooli, brought it home and chopped it. Truly an epic.

Completely agreed on the no/low carb diet. An ex girlfriend and I went on it once for a week, having a free for all of nothing but steak, eggs, bacon, salads with fatty salad dressings, cheese, etc. At the end of the week, we both weighed exactly the same weight. So yea, it works even if you eat tons of crap. Of course, I've also done it with lots of veggetables and lean ground beef, chicken, fish, beans, etc. Then I lost almost 30 pounds in a couple of weeks I think. So yea, it works, but it sucks because I can't mantain that way of eating forever, and don't really want to.

I am a HUGE carb lover, but don't want to be heavy in the carbs forever either. My plan to eat for life is lots of vegetables, fruits, lean meats, and just a few servings of whole carbs a day (so, like 2-4 instead of 6-40). Stuff like steel cut oatmeal, brown rice, whole grain bagels, etc.

Anyway, good luck not eating your coworker!

Jenn said...

Oh man, that's one of my fave Saturday Night Live skits...
Good luck with the no carb thing - it gets easier after a few days. I like meat, so I think low carb is great!

Shelley said...

Good luck with the new boyfriend...er, diet.

I can't even buy those vanilla-scented shower washes because I want to lick myself all day long, so I feel for you with your co-worker!

Gigi said...

Funny, funny post. Also had a Close Encounter of the Perfume kind at the gym this morning when the woman next to me on the ellipticals was just drowning in it; presumably to mask the smell of sweat. She lost on both counts.

Dana Carvey rocks!

Carlos said...

blogger sucks cock lately... wtf!

bbubblyb said...

Maybe this time around you can have an open relationship with your ex (Atkins) so if you want to have a few healthy carbs you won't feel like you're a cheater lol. Hang in there with that cupcake perfume wearing manager lol. You always crack me up.

Sara said...

I work with a man that gives off a scent that I can only describe as "Pepperoni Hot Pocket". I'm not sure if he has a glandular problem, or if he tucks a hot pocket under each arm in the morning relying on his body heat to have them cooked and ready by dinner, but I know I'm not the only person who notices it because once someone from a completely different department came into my office just after Hot Pocket Hank left it, and said "did you have pizza for lunch?"

Good luck to you on your Atkins adventure. I think that at a certain point sometimes we have to set aside our ambition to achieve weight loss via sane and balanced diet choices and just do something--anything--to get the scale moving in the right direction. Maybe one day when our weight problems become more 'normal' so can our methods for fighting them. I remember being insanely jealous of a friend who, while on Atkins, ate green beans sauteed in bacon like every other day. Go get you some of that!!

(And that Carvey bit is one of my old favorites. Hilarious.)

dani31608 said...

It's always worth clicking on your posts from my feed. Love it!

Good luck with Atkins!

Dana (www.eatsleepgetfit.com) said...

You are hilarious, and I'm pretty sure I just laughed 10 pounds off my ass just by reading this!

arielcircleofnine said...

Googz finally let me read this!!!! Damn I was jonesing for some Trishceratops! Keep detoxing but then, yah some whole grains may be nice once in a while, if they dont kick off some hella cravings for peanut butter cups (those fuckers!)

LAF said...

The Britney Spears "Fantasy" perfume smells like cupcakes. I used to work the fragrance counter at Macy's. Headache City!

*Fitcetera* said...

love the Trishceratops handle ...
i pretty much eat low carb with veggies and fruit added in.
i like it.
good luck with it

re: Carlos' comment ... i thought that was a *good* thing. now i'm confused.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Good luck, Trishceratops. But remember what happened to them dinosaurs...

Sara said...

to quote ice cube: you can do it, put your back into it.

Miz said...

O
M
G

WE SING THAT ALL THE TIME AROUND HERE :)

my 3 yo belts it out all the time and hasnt seen the skit yet either---need to find it.

love,


MizFit Middling Carb.

HopeFool said...

"...That weird diet of nothing all day then like...a side of beef for dinner. I wanna make sure I eat at least one salad a day and not have pickles be my only vegetable."

I did Atkins just like that once. It landed me in the emergency room - no shit. (Literally.)

:X

Kathleen said...

I don't do sugar, but my diet's not low-carb. I've been amazed at how muc easier it is to resist sugar When You Don't Eat It. I just didn't believe it beforehand.

My favorite book on the subject: "Good Calories, Bad Calories" by Gary Taubes.

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