Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Big Trish...

If you know me at all, you know I'm not much of a reader. I guess I figure why read when I'm already paying so much for cable TV and internet? Also, books are expensive and getting a library card in this town is a ridiculous hassle. Plus, libraries are for squares.

I have a lazy brain. It wasn't always like this. When i was just a tot, I couldn't wait to soak up all that fancy book learnin' and get my knowledge on. Then around high school time, I made some friends and my brain slowly morphed into a lazy lump. Good thing I got in a fair amount during those first 13 years because I still know enough to get by. My therapist told me I have ADHD but like every freaking person I know with a therapist says they have ADHD so I still think it's a myth fabricated by shrinks to make lazy people be okay with themselves so they'll keep shelling out the clams for the feel-good excuses.

Wait, i had a point I was trying to make here...dang ADHD. Anywho, oh yeah, I mostly only like two kinda books:
-Books written by stand-up comics
-Books written by Chuck Palahniuk
My brain don't wanna deal with no one else's drivel. I can read blogs all day long but there's just something about all those words and pages all stacked up against me that makes me mostly hate books. Short attention span, no doubt due to my ADHD.

The last 5 books I've read, in order...are:
5. Rant - Chuck Palahniuk
4. Private Parts - Howard Stern (counts as a standup...and this was a re-read because Jeff left it in the bathroom.)
3. Choke - Chuck Palahniuk (re-read after I watched the movie...)
2. Too Fat to Fish - Artie Lange
and the book I'm reading now: 1. Chocolate, Please - Lisa Lampinelli.

I bought the LL book because I was tired of all the music on my iPod so I wanted something to read on the plane ride to Texas. I paid RETAIL ($24.99) for the dang thing which pretty much goes against all my rules as a raging cheapskate. Somehow, airports stupify me into spending a lot of money on shit. A $6 latte and my $25 book before i even got to the security gate!

I like Lisa Lampinelli okay, and I do agree with the fact that for some reason black dudes really do love fat white girls. I just know, okay? I thought it would be a comical little read about sex and cake and whatnot, so I was down. But then I'm reading and I'm like learning shit from it. It upset my lazy brain to be laughing one minute then having to think about shit the next. Dammit!

Turns out her fatness is a lot like my fatness. Never really into the drugs or alcohol, but the food beast plagued he all through life, just like me. Then I read this paragraph...

Logging on to my computer that night before lights-out, i noticed an email from an acquaintance with the somber subject line "Frank D'Amico died June 1st." I quickly opened the email and read that Frank - big Frank - had died in LA the day before. You remember Big Frank - the four-hundred pound guy from the beginning of the book , the one who was connected to a fork? reading about his death, the jokes weren't quite as funny anymore. The only thing I could think about as I finished reading the email were katy's words from the meeting earlier that night: "You are not JUST an overeater...You DESERVE to be here and to help yourself...you'll be dead in five years. But either way, the result is death."

For Frank, the ex-boyfriend with whom I had the greatest times and still have the fondest memories, his "five years" were up. Frank had died from complications from diabetes, a disease he fought most of his adult life. He would be missed by hundreds of people who loved his quick wit, phenomenal storytelling ability and good heart. But the point wouldn't be missed by me. This was a sign. I DID deserve to work on myself, and I would...
I started thinking about my own "five years." I've been lazily taking care of my own diabetes for at least the last five years. I take my insulin but what good is it when I still eat like shit and continue to let the numbers run wild. I don't wanna be the somber lesson that makes my friends get their life in check. I wanna get my own damn life in check.

I made my three-store grocery list tonight and Jeff reluctantly agreed to take care of it. I won't be the next Big Frank. Best $24.99 I ever spent.

18 comments:

Diana said...

Oh thank God! I think you're onto something here. It sounds like that book may have been your light bulb moment.

Sometimes it just takes something that wakes us up...makes us think what the hell am I doing to myself?

Good luck Tricia. I hope to read about your success. You're a smart girl. You can do this.

screwdestiny said...

Awesome. We'll be here cheering you on the whole way.

big_mummy said...

I am so happy that you have had... an epiphany! Marvellous! What was on the shopping list?? good stuff?

Rebecca said...

you've inspired me to run out and grab that book for my mom.

hopefully she can learn the same lesson from it, you did!

bbubblyb said...

Sounds like a good book. I look forward to you being here again Tricia, I love your words. You can do this!!!

TJ said...

:) I am cheering for ya T! :) xoxo

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Tricia, we kid around with one another (or at least we used to), but I'm totally serious when I say I want you to get your act together and get going on your weight-loss journey. I love your quirky humor and way with words and have even gotten fond of your kinda gay bf. I want you around for the long haul.

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LAF said...

I saw LL on a recent episode of the Wendy Williams Show. She is pretty funny!

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Wishin you all the best of luck Tricia! We're all here for support when you need it!

Tony the Pink Panda said...

Lightbulb moment? I'll be your personal cheerleader :D. Is that creepy?

Amie said...

:)

Tantra Flower said...

You made me cry at work! I'm so proud of you and so happy. We don't really know each other that well, but I've just always like you. I'm glad you've decided to make sure you stick around. xox

Cheryl said...

Hi Tricia! Been a lurker for about six months now and checked your blog for updates nearly every day during your absence...I MISSED YOU! Thanks for coming back and letting us back in. I don't think you know how many people are pulling for you...Finding your updates today MADE my day.

@eloh said...

Good for you Tricia... I too am going to try and get a handle on things. I have told myself that time is up... this is it. While you were gone a few of us have tried to start an interactive blog to see if we can help each other. It hasn't really taken off, but that's okay, I'll just us it to talk to myself.

I think that is a big issue... WHY do we eat what we do.

So glad to see you posting again.

Stephanie said...

I have several clients in your shoes, and we work far more on the psychological dynamic of this issue than the nutritional. Why? They have resistance to taking care of themselves. Hey, we all do, in one way or another. But it's crucial to find out what's stopping them and how to work with that resistance.
BODA weight loss

Julie said...

So nice to see you back :) Good luck! Sounds like an amazing switch has been flipped.

arielcircleofnine said...

HEYYY!!! Glad to see you posting again. Sad to see the foot saga though--however you never fail to crack me up. THis book epiphany is a good thing. Use it to power you through when you really just dont feel like it, sometimes shit happens when we least expect it to crack us in the craniums and wake us the hell up. Right now, I could use one of them there epiphanys myself lol but yeah...use it and use Jeff dammit--3 grocery stores indeed!! :-D
HUGS!!!!!

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