Big Trish...

If you know me at all, you know I'm not much of a reader. I guess I figure why read when I'm already paying so much for cable TV and internet? Also, books are expensive and getting a library card in this town is a ridiculous hassle. Plus, libraries are for squares.

I have a lazy brain. It wasn't always like this. When i was just a tot, I couldn't wait to soak up all that fancy book learnin' and get my knowledge on. Then around high school time, I made some friends and my brain slowly morphed into a lazy lump. Good thing I got in a fair amount during those first 13 years because I still know enough to get by. My therapist told me I have ADHD but like every freaking person I know with a therapist says they have ADHD so I still think it's a myth fabricated by shrinks to make lazy people be okay with themselves so they'll keep shelling out the clams for the feel-good excuses.

Wait, i had a point I was trying to make here...dang ADHD. Anywho, oh yeah, I mostly only like two kinda books:

-Books written by stand-up comics

-Books written by Chuck Palahniuk

My brain don't wanna deal with no one else's drivel. I can read blogs all day long but there's just something about all those words and pages all stacked up against me that makes me mostly hate books. Short attention span, no doubt due to my ADHD.

The last 5 books I've read, in order...are:

5. Rant - Chuck Palahniuk

4. Private Parts - Howard Stern (counts as a standup...and this was a re-read because Jeff left it in the bathroom.)

3. Choke - Chuck Palahniuk (re-read after I watched the movie...)

2. Too Fat to Fish - Artie Lange

and the book I'm reading now: 1. Chocolate, Please - Lisa Lampinelli.

I bought the LL book because I was tired of all the music on my iPod so I wanted something to read on the plane ride to Texas. I paid RETAIL ($24.99) for the dang thing which pretty much goes against all my rules as a raging cheapskate. Somehow, airports stupify me into spending a lot of money on shit. A $6 latte and my $25 book before i even got to the security gate!

I like Lisa Lampinelli okay, and I do agree with the fact that for some reason black dudes really do love fat white girls. I just know, okay? I thought it would be a comical little read about sex and cake and whatnot, so I was down. But then I'm reading and I'm like learning shit from it. It upset my lazy brain to be laughing one minute then having to think about shit the next. Dammit!

Turns out her fatness is a lot like my fatness. Never really into the drugs or alcohol, but the food beast plagued he all through life, just like me. Then I read this paragraph...

Logging on to my computer that night before lights-out, i noticed an email from an acquaintance with the somber subject line "Frank D'Amico died June 1st." I quickly opened the email and read that Frank - big Frank - had died in LA the day before. You remember Big Frank - the four-hundred pound guy from the beginning of the book , the one who was connected to a fork? reading about his death, the jokes weren't quite as funny anymore. The only thing I could think about as I finished reading the email were katy's words from the meeting earlier that night: "You are not JUST an overeater...You DESERVE to be here and to help yourself...you'll be dead in five years. But either way, the result is death."

For Frank, the ex-boyfriend with whom I had the greatest times and still have the fondest memories, his "five years" were up. Frank had died from complications from diabetes, a disease he fought most of his adult life. He would be missed by hundreds of people who loved his quick wit, phenomenal storytelling ability and good heart. But the point wouldn't be missed by me. This was a sign. I DID deserve to work on myself, and I would...

I started thinking about my own "five years." I've been lazily taking care of my own diabetes for at least the last five years. I take my insulin but what good is it when I still eat like shit and continue to let the numbers run wild. I don't wanna be the somber lesson that makes my friends get their life in check. I wanna get my own damn life in check.

I made my three-store grocery list tonight and Jeff reluctantly agreed to take care of it. I won't be the next Big Frank. Best $24.99 I ever spent.