Monday, March 22, 2010

Now I know why they call it Bloody Sunday.

You know, I was always taught to respect my elders. But somewhere along the way, I think I realized that not all old people deserve to be respected.

Today started out good enough. I knew Catherine's was having a 40% off sale so I decided to ruin a perfectly good day by going there to try on swimsuits. Those swimsuits were like, "whoa whoa whoa, so you've been on a diet for three weeks...let's not get carried away here!" I ended up buying one because "Mall Daze" and perfectly-stationed mirrors made me believe I looked okay in it. When I got home and tried it on in front of a REAL mirror, I quickly realized I'd be making a return in my not-so-distant future. Oh well, here's to another summer of shorts and t-shirts.

I had a point to this...oh yeah! So this old lady's in front of me in line, and she's talking shit from like the second she gets in line. It's a mall on a Sunday, lady...there's a line, deal with it. It's finally her turn to pay and she has a million questions about sizes because she's trying to buy her daughter some jeans. That's nice enough and all. But Catherine's sizes are all stupid because God forbid a woman has to buy a 32W instead of some made up code-word size 10 in fat-ass Catherine's sizes. Shit is dumb, but whatever.

So the lady's like "well, she needs a 6X." To which the store employee informs her that they don't carry sizes that high. This is when the just-regular-grumpy-0ld-lady turns into psycho-bitch-from-hell-old-lady. She says "I swear. I wish this bitch would buy her own damn pants. I tell you the fatter her ass gets, the lazier she gets!" Whoa. First off, best chill on that fat and lazy talk considering you are in a store full of fat ladies who are probably dieting and pissed off already that the world hates fatties. (read: me.)

Awkwardness ensues. You can tell everyone within earshot is torn between wanting to slice her face open and wanting to understand that it's just "wacky old person talk." I am doing everything in my power not to grab a pair of nearby Spanxx and put the old bat out her misery. She shuts up and pays and I figure she's outta there. NO. She decides to stick around and hang out at the counter for like no fucking reason other than to further test my impending murderous rage.

I step up to pay and the lady takes that tag thingy off my swimsuit. Here she goes piping up again. "Hey, that's a big swimsuit. What size IS that??" The lady tells her. I stare daggers. "Yeah, that might fit her. It's real pretty. Yeah, if it's fit YOU, I'm sure it'll fit her!" Oh great. So now I'm bigger than the fat lazy bitch at home that won't buy her own pants. I'm feeling like super-good about myself right about now, by the way.

Long story short (four paragraphs too late), they didn't have another one in that size so her old ass finally leaves. Part of me wants to keep the swimsuit just so I know it's not in stock for her. But...well, I need the money. :)

It's just...I dunno. I don't get what happened to you in your life that just makes you decide to go out on a Sunday afternoon to fuck with people you don't even know. If she thinks they're just harmless statements, then it's time to put her in a home. Since when does turning 70 give you a license to be a complete asshole?

Maybe I'm being a hypocrite because I'm sitting here talking mad shit about the elderly, but it's not like I'm going into medical supply stores or a Denny's at 4pm and saying stereotypical just-plain-mean shit about the old people sitting around in there.


Also, I would never let anyone else buy me pants!

Anyway, weigh-in today. Hope it's a good 'un.

Oh and I still need a swimsuit. Dammit.

And just once I'd like to meet a nice little granny who'll knit me a hat and offer me ribbon candy. I know they're out there...I've seen them on TV!


screwdestiny said...

Old people suck. Hard. I think I've met like, four cool ones. It's like they're mad at the world that they're old and can't do stuff like they used to, so they think it gives them license to be assholes. Anyway, I would've cut the bitch, or at least reamed her. I hope you can find a swimsuit that you like.

Kim said...

So sorry you went through that. You are a better woman than I...I would have been thrown out of the store for cussing her. She sounds like my grandmother is mean. And yeah, who lets someone else buy their pants like that??

Kelly said...

That sucks!! Some people are just mean. Not sure if I would have said something to her or not. As I lose weight a bolder side of me is being exposed. :)

Don't let it get to you. Some people out there are so unhappy with their own lives that they feel it will make them feel better if they can bring someone else down. Twisted, yes.

Swimsuits just suck in general. I still feel more comfortable in the shorts and tee shirt combo. But I do hate the way the tee shirt clings when it gets wet. A wet tee shirt contest I will not be winning.

Hope the weigh in is terrific! I'm proud of you. It'll come off. It's hard work but you can do it.

Dina said...

Old people are all douche bags. Fuck her, I hope she falls and can't get up.

FattyPatty said...

That is a mortifying story. I think I would have left the suit and the store right then and there. Not sure I would have been able to say something at that point, for sheer shock that she was so rude. No wonder her daugther doesn't go out and buy her own clothes. This woman has probably fucked with her mind so much that she can only hide and feel bad about herself.

Camevil said...

First of all, swimsuits suck. I just bought one last summer for the first time in like over ten years. I wore it once. Once.

Second, where the hell is Darwin when you need him? That woman should not be contributing to the gene pool. I just want to rescue her daughter.

TJ said...

mmmm ribbon candy! :)

Swimsuit shopping is CRUEL! Bad time!

Good luck at WEIGH IN! I am cheering for you my friend! :)

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

When people get old they turn off their filters.

Katy said...

Ummmmm, you're my new hero! First I saw your hilarious post on Jack shit, then now here again! I've had a healthy dose of laughter this morning. Following you... NOW!


Shelley said...

I swear, Lane Bryant (or Lame Giant, as POD calls them) has the same mirror situ at Catherine's - I would think I looked pretty good in an outfit at the store, buy it and somehow on the car ride home it would transform into something that looked hideous on me. I know you are not happy with how you look in the swimsuit, but you live in Las Vegas for cryin' out loud - you're gonna need it.

Good luck on the weigh in today!

Oh yeah, and that lady is a loser. Pity her daughter - can you imagine what she must be going through?!?

wildfluffysheep said...

swim suit shopping sucks any time. bah.

oh man what a shitty story.

my grans a nice old woman. she would never behave that way.

Anonymous said...

I'm only 20, but I'd happily knit you a hat :) As for the ribbon candy, I'm on a diet, so you're gonna have to get that elsewhere...

Swimsuit shopping is the worst. Add in a rude and cranky old lady and you've entered the seventh circle of Hell. Good for you not reacting to her!

My grandma Josie is the sweetest old lady you'll ever meet, and she's obsessed with candy. I once had a 20 minute conversation with her about gummy bears and jujubes. I wish all old people were like her.

Anonymous said...

ugh, I have met SO many of those no-filter old people. It makes me afraid of old people, which is kind of a sad state to be in. I don't talk to my real grandma because she's too mean. BUT!

The grandma that _I_ chose for myself is nothing like that. She honest to G-d feeds me milk and cookies before bed and frets over my losing weight. I adore her. Speaking of which, I should call her.

Big Clyde said...

Hey Tricia, I saw your comment on my blog...hysterical as usual. I responded to your "cat" comment by informing you that your cat is a vampire. Condolences.

As for your most recent comment, while you are looking for reasons to "hate all men", keep in mind that we also control everything on the planet. Sorry. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

But seriously, the difference between your 1.6 and my 2 is a rounding error. I'm old, am severely overweight and consequently, don't count in decimals. We both had a good week because we had a loss. Let's do it again.

And I love your blog!

Kelly Anderson said...

Must. Be. Kidding. Good F%$#. I would have come UNglued. Far better woman than I am. I almost neck punched a tween at the mall once for far less than that. I will probably spend the rest of the day thinking of witty, stinging retorts I would have liked to say in that situation. Well, there goes the rest of THIS day.

Community said...

Yet, as wonderful and tempting as this different body ideal sounds to a fat person like myself, Nigerien women also suffer. Small or skinny women are often ridiculed and regarded as unattractive. Girls of proper marriage-age are habitually force-fed in order to physically and socially prepare them for their future life.

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