Friday, May 7, 2010

Tonite...we dine in hell.

Before I get started...if you weren't around for the introduction of Project 300, kindly click HERE and join in on the fun!

I think the giveaway will be 300 things. To one lovely person. That's a lot of things. I haven't decided what things yet, but I promise no cheese puffs or some other fatty gag like that.

Side note: I wonder how long it would take a person to put down 300 cheese puffs? I remember once in fatter days, we bought one of those barrels of cheese balls from Sam's. You know the ones? Like a fat little plastic barrel full of finger-staining-artery-cloggin' goodness. I remember thinking that it was like the fattest thing I ever ate. In hindsight, I'm sure that's not true. BUT...I think sitting on the bed watching Top Chef reruns and eating from a barrel pretty much is like the prescription for an early death.

Now I just gotta get that barrel full of pork rinds. No carbs! From here on out, I would like all my food to be in barrel form.

Enough about barrels, GEEZ. I challenge any of you to use that word five times in one cohesive blog post. Winner gets a Barrel of Monkeys. Oh shit, make that six!

In other more boring barrel-less (7!) news, my boss made like a weird comment about my weight today. Since we started the challenge thing at work, I've lost roughly 14 pounds. We were standing around gabbing like a bunch of old hens and I was bitching that losing 14 out of 400 ain't gonna get it. Then she was like "I can totally tell you've lost weight." And I was like "uh yeah, okay." And she's like "no, seriously, like in your...(makes hand gesture)...this area."

For the record, the hand gesture was the equivalent of like a circle around my neck/chins area. So...like, my neck fat. So I said "you mean my neck fat? You can say it!" She looked at me like I just said I was a martian or something. NECK. FAT. It's a thing, and I have it. 2.5 chins leading into a fatty neck. My beard of fat. I'M okay with it, why can't she be?

Apparently it's one of those words she won't say. Like how she always says "oh my heck!" instead of "oh my god!" Mormons, you know? Thou shalt not mention thy neighbor's beard of fat.

Anywho, since it does indeed exist, and she noticed it going away-ish, that's a great thing! I accept it, but that don't mean I want it. Like herpes....Wait, what in the hell? Heck. I meant heck.

This got weird. I don't really have herpes. If I do, someone's got some 'splainin' to do! Like the opposite of Mary. Immaculate clap. This ends NOW.

Did someone mention something about 'cohesive'? Feel free to pray for my soul at will. Thanks!

18 comments:

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Tricia, you fucking crack me up. Congrats on losing 14 lbs! And hey, you know how many people are all like "wow you lost so much weight, I can see it all in your face" to me? Seriously, you'd swear the 70 lbs came off my face.

411 Gurl said...

How about sea monkeys? Can i have sea monkeys instead of a barrel of monkeys? I promise not to eat them.

Katy said...

Seems people are sensitive about the "neck fat." My step-dad said to me after losing 10 lbs, don't take this the wrong way, but you have a chin! I was like, you mean instead of the chin-chest merge? aka, no neck?

I swear sometimes I'd rather have a big ass then have a big neck. In fact most times I'd rather be a fat-bottomed girl. At least it's more feminine.

PS- I HATE when people say "oh my heck" it's like, I get you don't want to say oh my god, so let's just think of something different all together. Oh my heck doesn't even make sense! Mo's!

No offense Mo's, I love ya'

TC said...

I've linked to you to help with the 300 goal barrel. I did it barrel after you read my post (yay for being first!), but I barrel did it!

My barrel double chin was my close to my most hated thing about being fat barrel...next to 4 month preggo-lookin barrel belly. I am happy to say it's *nearly* gone. I am prolly the only barrel one who notices it anymore, but hey...it's MY chin barrel!

Um..barrel?

Who needs coherent?

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Y'know, Tricia, somewhere inside all this hilarity and crazytalk, there's a serious weight-loss story starting to unfold. I think you're entertaining as all hell... heck... whatever, but that's the show I want a ticket to.

Flabby McGee said...

you are awesome!!! I never fail to laugh at your posts. Yeah, neck fat. It's my favorite. But it is the first thing to go - that and boobs. wish I could keep those and ditch the neck fat beard.

TJ said...

I like monkeys! :)

Neck fat be gone! :)

Shelley said...

Barrels, neck beards, herpes...GREATEST POST EVAH!

411 Gurl said...

http://www.camacdonald.com/lc/LowCarbohydrateCooking-Recipes.htm I used to use these recipes a lot.. its a good collection. I thought you might enjoy them.

And... we have a deal my friend. :)

Camevil said...

Herpes, fat beard and barrels in a single blog post. And they say it couldn't be done.

Ve said...

You are so funny! Mormons are wierdos.

Kim said...

I'm diein here!!! So funny!! I'm with Camevil..herpes, fat beard, barrels...immaculate clap...in one post?? You. are. a. genius! lmao. Thanks, totally needed that. :)

Julie said...

Try using one of my favorite expressions....Oh Christ on a Cracker!! That'll get her :)

4athomej said...

I like monkeys...and barrels of cheese balls....lol...member 264...:)

Rob West said...

Girl you so funny!....14 pounds is awesome. Little by little. Thou shalt succeed! That was a funny post.

Rob West said...

Oh yeh I forgot to mention I put your link on my blog under my favorite links. You're freaking funny!

twinkelydots said...

So you know how I have the Luscious Ladie's Fat Girls Fashion shows?
I had a woman in the store who ... Wait. I'm going to blog this.
Ok. Comment interuptus. Sorry.
You're funny. More funny than monkeys but not as funny as rats doing karaoke.

screwdestiny said...

You are way too funny. Congrats on losing some of the neck fat! (I'm not afraid to say it.)

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