Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Alright, pay attention because this might jump around a lot.

So, somehow, some way, last night I think I accidentally agreed to having a second job. BUT...I think Jeff's mom is seriously off her rocker, so I dunno. So here's the conversation as best as I can remember...

Momz: OH HEY, we're buying a Curves!
Me: What?
Momz: Yeah, we're getting our own Curves!
Me: don't have any
Momz: Well, we're buying it for a dollar.
Me: What?
Momz: They're gonna lose it, so they're gonna sell it to us for a dollar instead.
Me: I...what?
Momz: Yeah, and it's gonna be family-run! You can have Wednesdays and Saturdays!
Me: I don't this how business works? I am lost.
Momz: Well, we're buying a Curves for a dollar and you can work there, ok?
Me: Yeah, okay, I guess.
Momz: OH I'm only having 4 beers tonite...I'm having a colonoscopy in the morning.
Me: I don't think you're supposed to....(sigh)...Ok, Deb.

For the record, she drank SEVEN.

As much as I don't wanna fucking work at Curves, I'm pretty confident that this plan was somehow way misconstrued and will, shockingly, not work out. Only time will tell. If you can buy franchises for a buck, I'll take a Popeyes. Hells yeah, son.

Let's move on, okay? Let's talk about my fucking jacket at work today. First of all, allow me to remind you that it is FUCKING HOT here already. Now, you guys should already know that we have to wear those shitty blazers at work now. I mean, I bitch about it all the time, so if you don't know then hello new person and welcome to my blog. So anyway, Amber forgot her dumb ass blazer this morning and FUCKING PANDAMONIUM BROKE OUT.

So about 20 minutes later, I get approached by "the bosses." I'm like oh shit, this is it, they saw me talking about something dirty online and now I'm fired. Shit! Turns out, they didn't... WHEW... I live to talk filthy for another day. They want me to let Amber borrow my jacket on her lunch and breaks! WTF! I mean, whatever, I said okay, but I won't lie and say it didn't feel weird as shit. I mean, my jacket pockets are like filled to the max with receipts and my cell phone and tootsie roll pop wrappers and shit. Let's just say, it wasn't expecting guests.

Then I went to lunch and it was like the surface of the sun in my car and my arms were getting sweaty under my jacket sleeves and i was like "GROSS, now I gotta pass this sweaty ass jacket off to the next victim and she's gonna be all GOD THIS SWEATY BITCH!" I dunno. It was uncomfortable. I'm always too fat to share clothes, so this was a first for me. Germophobia, ABOUT FACE!

Next topic: The packing is getting done slowly but surely.

Yet another topic: Dear Dina and Twinkleydots...please stop all the fussin' and a'fightin. I feel like a child in the middle of a bitter divorce custody case. Who do you love more? Your mommy or your other mommy? That means you guys are lesbians. OUTTED! You heard it here first, folks.

NEXT: HERE'S a link to some pictures I drew a long time ago when I had no online friends and my computer would only do MSPaint and Solitaire. They are pretty dumb, and dare I say some are of 'questionable' nature, but I don't think they will get you sent to Hell or anything unless you were already on the way there, you heathen! Have fun and whatnot. Or don't. I'm not the boss of you!

I guess that's it. There was something else I wanted to talk about, but this is already massive, plus there's always tomorrow. Bye :)


Dina said...

Would you get paid?

Who's your mommy?

Sharon said...

Haha, let's be optimistic! =) But hey, THAT WOULD BE FRICKEN AWESOME!!! =D

TJ said... are seriously one funny chick! I am literally rolling on the floor laughing out-loud! OMG!

I loved how you didnt want to share your wouldn't either!

LOVED the link to the paint pics...girl you got talent! lol

OMG! I think I am gonna pee my


Megan said...

Yay for sweaty blazer sharing! Yay!

twinkelydots said...

1. The guy who owns Curves is an UBER republican.
1b. You don't just buy a company for a dollar. You get all the debt that goes with it.

2. Amber needs to remember her jacket next time.

3. Paint pic's are the shit.

4. I'm done competing with Dina. She can be your Mommy & I'll be Melissa Etheridge. (On tour all the time but really really misses you.)

5. You rock.

twinkelydots said...

Oh hey. I think the one good thing about that counter thingie is that more people will post since they want to get on your top 10.

A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare said...

Twinkelydots is right, I worked in Commercial Lending for a bit of time, and depending on what type of purchase it is (stocks or assets or even both) they will likely assume all debt associated with the company (unless there is specific language in the asset transfer that states otherwise, which is hopefully the case.) You know when they say something is too good to be true, it probably is? Yeah, this sounds too good to be true.

Plus WTF, does she think youre going to work for free??

Aimee said...

your posts make my morning!

arielcircleofnine said...

I happen to actually BE a heathen, so it was perfectly safe for me to click on each and every one of those mspaint pics!!
My mom used to work at a Curves, and the owner went out of business and failed to pay her employees the last couple of checks, I recall some kind of bizarre scheme for selling the equipment that she didnt truly own but the details are all fuzzy now! I doubt you'll have to work those 2 nights a week, but if you do--prepare to be inundated by hoardes of nice older ladies in spandex and reeboks!!
At least you wont have to wear a blazer there, will you? :-D

Camevil said...

Franchises are the biggest scams/money pits out there. Seriously. I can't tell you how many times my clients got screwed...from pizza franchises to muffler shop franchises. The business model is seriously flawed. I hope to goddess that she did not assume any liability on this. Paying a dollar to buy a lot of debt is not a bargain at all.

BTW, a lot of Curves have opened in my area recently. And then shut down again.

Bad. Move.

Carlos said...

id buy a sonic

Pam said...

Man I totally missed reading your blogs! jeje Chica you crack me up and Jeff's mom is cuckoo. No really. She is. I don't think you have to worry about working for Curves. Seven beers before the colonoscopy? Cuckoo I tell you. I love your new blog look. You're no longer in template mode. I'm jeloso. Not really. ; )

Pam said...

Do you have any idea how talented you are? I checked out your paint pics and was cracking up here at the computer. My husband is like "what the eff is that?" Then he takes a look and starts cracking up with me. You are amazing girl. And you're probably not told that nearly enough.

wildfluffysheep said...

I have no idea what curves is. So I'm missing out on alllllllll that drama.

I think your drawings are awesome and as an art historian my evaluation is the be all end all! ;)

Seriously you are hilarious though... love it.

Anonymous said...

Twinkly is mom was a big Curves fan until she heard that they (the company) were big pro-lifers. She quit. Kinda sucks that they didn't have an alternative. But, I think if it will make you work out, I say go. Just hand out flyers or something about the other side of politics. :)

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