Friday, May 15, 2009

Nonsense.

I ditched work yesterday because of the post-chiro stiffness and active hatred of my job, in general. BUT today's Friday so that means 4 more hours of work then two days off, sweeeeeeeeet.

I'm on day 4 or YE OLDE CORE. I keep fucking up eating real cheese on stuff though so I may as well be counting points, but I don't think I'm eating enough so whatever. I'm eating LESS, so like, that should count for something.

I didn't pack lunch so I had to order a salad from a local delivery place and OMG MOST BORING SALAD EVER. (and I was listening to Coldplay on my iPod, which may or may not have added to the boringness.) Lettuce, cucumber, grilled chicken. No dressing. No croutons. No cheese! Dry, dude. Dryer than Ann Coulter's vag the night Obama won. I mean, that's pretty dry right there, friends.

Whatever, it's just food. I'm trying to learn to hate food so I won't want it. So far it is not working because I would seriously stab a man for a Twix right now.

You guys watch The Office last nite? So cute.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, food. So...yeah, anyway, while I was laying around being in pain all day yesterday, Discovery Health Network decided to show a bunch of those shows from that one obesity hospital whatever it's called, you know the one. MAN. Why did one of the spotlighted people like weigh less than me?? Ugh, that made me feel like a total fat load. I mean, I usually watch that show so I can feel smallish and now they're showing people that I outweigh by a good 50 pounds. UGH! Remind me never to watch TV again.

Being addicted to food is such a weak ass addiction. I wish it was something more hardcore, like crack! Then at least I'd be thin and not sweating bullets that I won't be able to walk up the stupid 1/4 mile hill leading up to Alcatraz on my vacation. Who the hell goes on vacation to visit a prison? I just wanna lay on the beach and drink pina coladas. They said it's the incline of like a 13 story building. THAT SUCKS. I'm gonna need a post-vacation vacation and now I'm outta sick time.

That last line read like the punchline to a Garfield comic.

14 comments:

Tony said...

The Office was kind of cute, yet kind of predictable.

Food doesn't have to be boring to be healthy, and music doesn't have to be boring either. I can only imagine how crappy it is to eat a salad without dressing while listening to Coldplay. Oh wait, I've done that--except replace Coldplay with Bon Iver :).

A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare said...

Lady, you can totally still enjoy food AND lose weight. The whole trying to hate food, not possible, well at least for me. I LOVE FOOD. If I could make the font bigger on the I LOVE FOOD, I totally would. The goal is to be able to love food in moderation (yeah I know, that's like saying to an alcoholic only have one beer.) It's a tough battle.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I was having some serious hunger pains, but "Ann Coulter's dry vag" made me completely lose my appetite. Thanks a bunch!

Monica said...

lmfao@jack shit...

Eat half of the twix! Not both of them!

The Office was cute, I liked how Dwights friend was picking on Angela. And Jim and Pam, of course.

Diana said...

Tricia, you've got to go into doing standup comedy. My God woman you are too funny! You've missed your calling in life for sure.

I've been to Alacatraz. Last year we all had to come up with some goofy thing to "make this a better place to work" for everyone. Stupid BS, but we had to do it. It wasn't optional. One of my coworkers organized a team trip, to of all places, Alcatraz! I was like are you kidding me?! Let's go to Alcatraz to boost our team morale? A place where all sorts of atrocities happened? I thought it was the dumbest idea ever.

Well, guess what, we had a blast. The hill isn't that bad, honestly. At the time there was a guy on my team that weight 330 pounds. At work he would take the elevator to go up one flight of stairs. The 30-block hike from downtown to the wharf almost killed him (he caught a cab half way there), but the hill up to the prison was okay. He managed it just fine and he was very out of shape. He's the one I posted about that his wife left him because of his weight (sad story that one).

Anyway, don't freak about "the hill". It didn't seem that steep. The hills in San Francisco were about a hundred times worse, but Alcatraz, no problem. I saw lots of very overweight, very out-of-shape people getting up it just fine. You'll be okay.

I hear you about the food addiction. I have it too. It sucks. It also sucks that I don't appreciate food in moderation, but it's my lot in life and I have to accept it. You too.

I can't wait to hear what you have to say about Alcatraz. I'm pretty sure it's going to be frickin' hysterical. :)

Druciana said...

I could totally relate to the Twix thing. I could kill someone for a chocolate chip cookie right now.

Dina said...

Ok, I love Coldplay, but eating lettuce plain while listening to them sounds like as much torture as thinking of Ann Coulter's nether regions.

Fucking Discovery Health! I have a love/hate relationship with it. The doc on Brookhaven Obesity Clinic is dreamy though FYI.

Yeah, a beach and alcohol sounds way better, we should work on that shit!

Kate said...

You can totally make it up the hill to Alcatraz. I've done it a bunch of times and I'm in AWFUL shape.

bbubblyb said...

You are to funny. I think you'll be fine. Maybe try to practice walking some hills before you go. I know before I joined a fitness place I would practice getting up and down off the floor so I knew I could do it once I started taking classes. I just don't eat salad so I don't have to worry about it being dry lol.

arielcircleofnine said...

Day 4 of ye old core! you can do it, hardcore core!!! Hey anythings gotta be better than prison food right?
Maybe after being locked up at a while Alcatraz guys really WOULD stab eachother for half a Twix bar, and welcomed visions of ann coulters dry Vageeena dancing in their heads!! :-0

wildfluffysheep said...

Coldplay are boring!

lol @ dry vag. H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.

I can't afford to watch Discovery Health. So, yeah!

I'd stab some one for maltesers...

twinkelydots said...

You rock.

"too fat for exercise."

Love that.

Losing Waist! said...

Yeah. The Office, on Thursday, made me cry (at the end with the Pam and Jim thing)! (issues I say)

I always wanted an addiction that would make me skinny. I know it is terrible, but I cannot deny my evil desires.

CactusFreek said...

Why don't you make your own salads? You can make some really nice ones. I make the BEST garden salad! Throw in some cranberries, grated cheese, egg and low fat mayo and you're in garden heaven!.... I realise that just sounded retarded, but it really is yummy lol
The point is, Don't try to hate food, just experiment with healthy stuff till you find meals you actualy look forward to :o)

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