Sunday, June 28, 2009

All dying must cease at once.

It's a good time to not be a celebrity as they seem to be dropping like flies lately. I've been scared to leave my house! But then I remembered I'm not a celebrity so I went out to buy some popsicles.
That thumb is pointing up to heaven. HE KNEW!

If I had to take a guess as to who killed him, I would guess Vince. I was watching some thing on Entertainment Tonight (I think...though maybe it was a dream) where they were having an informercial-spokesperson face-off and Billy really creamed the guy. He mopped the floor with him like he was a...(wait for it)...ShamWOW. This is no doubt a crime of passion. If you wanna be number one, you do what it takes. Either way, it's a sad day for infomercial lovers like me. Sleep well, sweet prince.

"You're gonna love my nuts!"

VH1 Classic's been showing Michael Jackson videos nonstop for the past 48 hours and I've spent a lof of time remembering how great they were and how the world used to stop for an MJ video premiere. I've also been thinking how much new music sucks. I seriously can't imagine most of the shit we listen to today to ever be considered "classic." Songs about titties and tennis shoes and shit. Surely nothing to raise your Bic in the air for. I'll just shut up now before I have to start shaking my cane in the air in disgust.

Tomorrow begins phase one of restructuring my life. Several things need to be restructured.

1. Diet

2. Exercise

3. Cleaning-the-house routine/finish unpacking

4. Limiting my internet time to one hour per nite

5. Go to sleep at a godly hour

6. Stop wasting so much money on bullshit.

I figure I am giving myself a year to get all this shit in order. A year is a long time. But it can also be wasted and fly by like nothing. Every year of my life has passed by so far with little to no change from the year before and every year I get a little more bitter and tiny bit more hopeless. Since it seems that I'm only getting older and fatter, may as well start working on it now. Plus, I'm tired of my leg hurting and never having any money. And I'm sick of these fucking boxes everywhere. I need to de-junkify my life.

So I'm going grocery shopping after work tomorrow and only buying the ESSENTIALS. I hope this works. Wait, this will work. I can make it work. I am adapting the can-do attitude of Billy Mays. This will work, or my money back.

15 comments:

Mastercheif said...

I think you are right on! Shamwow guy is a gangster!!!!

My 3 Month Challenge said...

Ohhh I definitely need to do the same, #1-6. Except #4, I don't think I can do that one..

Har har love your tone :>

@eloh said...

I think I need to steal your "straighten up" list.

Monica said...

First off, thank GOODNESS someone else knows who Billy Mays is! And I completely agree with your ENTIRE blog today!

Chris H said...

I don't know the guy in the first photo!
I did a 'list' of things to change this week too!
ONWARD!

Diana said...

I'm happy you made diet and exercise at the top of the list. Good for you.

You're right about time flying by. Just wait until you're my age (53). Days seem like hours and hours are like minutes. Kind of freaky scary to tell you the truth.

Billy Mays, hate to say it but at least now maybe they'll stop playing his incredibly annoying commercials. I can't get to the remote fast enough when I hear his voice.

Terri said...

My oldest daughter will be devastated when I tell her about Billy Mays....probably as much as I am about Michael. Not sure why, but she LOVES his commercials...

I agree with Diana....great job for putting diet and exercise at the top!

wildfluffysheep said...

keep this attitude girly!

that picture of Vince creeped me out big time *shudders*

Dina said...

My little sis texted me he died yesterday, my response was "Who the fuck?" she was all "OXI CLEAN DINA!! OXI CLEAN!" A tragedy, to be sure.

Yeah, I need to follow your list too. Wanna come clean out the 8 billion toys in my basement?

Jenn said...

Did you steal that list from my desk?

tantra flower said...

You could be onto something. We already know that Shamwow guy has a temper.

You'll feel so much better when you get the boxes put away. I took me six months to unpack all the boxes at my old house (I was depressed from my divorce) and one night something came over me and I was all this insanity has got to STOP and I put it all away. Four hours later it was done and I felt 1,000,000 times better. Whenever I find myself in that procrastination and dread place, I remember the boxes.

A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare said...

The Vince/Shamwow Guy=Insane. Have you seen the slapchop commercial? It doesnt even make sense!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

That's some list. My advice: don't overwhelm yourself. Make small changes, and make them stick. Make small changes and add on to them every day. This isn't easy, but it's not overwhelming either. It's in you to do it, Tricia. I'm rooting for ya!

arielcircleofnine said...

KABOOM and he's gone....bizarre!!! At least we still have Vince---and hey you're gonna love his nuts!! (I think you're onto something here with your who killed billy mays theory!)

I think your list of improvements is the bomb and you can and will go for it--no refunds!

screwdestiny said...

Ha, it sounds like you need to work on the exact same things as I do. Well, I've pretty much got the exercise part down. But everything else for sure. Glad to know there are other people that struggle with simple things like that as well.

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