Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

You see this apple?
Let it be known that when I tossed this apple into my purse this morning at appx. 7:50am, it was green with several hints of red. I got in my car and threw my purse into the passenger seat, as is the usual routine. At 1:07 pm, I reached into my purse to retrieve the apple on my way to lunch. Alas, it was not there. Where the hell could this damn apple be? Forty minutes later, it dawns on me that maybe it rolled out of my purse on the way to work. Genius! I walk outside to get my apple. I peek through the window and see this fine apple sitting in the passenger seat all alone. I unlock the door and reach in to grab it. It's cooked. Baked by the Las Vegas sun. Tragedy. There will be no apple for me this day.

Dude, that sucks. It's like days away from October and I can cook a fucking apple in my car. This injustice won't stand.

Moving on to bigger and better things: Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a winner!

This is a step-by-step process to be explained in pictures and a wall of text:
First off, I notice no one bothered to tell me that my comments aren't numbered. I thought I could just use that Random Integer thing and pick a number and go to that number and declare a winner, but...no numbers. So I had to get real crafty and print out all the comments and cut them out and fold them ghetto drawing style.

As you can see, there were a lot of entries....far too many for my planned receptacle:

We found a bigger bucket to dump them into and I let the lovely Lupe do the dirty work:

(Shake shake shake...)
A winner is drawn!
Erin from the xxl-files: tales of a fat girl in a strange, strange world. (She also wins world's longest title.) Congrats Erin! Kindly email an address over to me at fight.fat.phobia@gmail.com and your winnings shall be making their way to you shortly!

Look...here are all the losing comments...kinda makes me sad.
But chin up, friends! You all get this lovely Participation Ribbon just for playing! (Well, not really...I only bought one. But just pretend this one's for you?) You may remember the Participation Ribbon from such traumatic fat childhood experiences as Field Day, Relay Races and the Presidential Fitness Exam.
Well, thanks for playing, guys. I hope you bums will still bother coming around even when I'm not giving away free stuff. This was fun and I'm sure I'll do it again in the not-so-distant future, so don't be a stranger. :)