You ever feel yourself losing control of your emotions over something stupid and it gets to that point where you're not really sure why you're mad but it's too late to just back out of it at that point? It's like I'm looking at myself from outside my body and saying "man, this girl is a bitch. Oh shit, that's me." I need a reset button on the back of my neck that I can just push and snap out of my craziness. Sometimes I think I just piss myself off so I have a reason to keep believing I'm not worth it.
So...just stop it, Tricia. fuck.
I am real antsy. Like, annoyingly so. Everything I owned is either torn to shreds or all doodled on because I have this nervous energy I can't harness into doing good things like...say, cleaning my house or painting or something so I just write scribbles and cubes and annoy people with my nervousness. Sometimes it gets real bad and I rip out hair. Mostly from my eyebrows. I try not to let it get too bad cause I don't need to add to my weird appearance by sporting eyebrow bald spots. I'll just say that lately they are looking shitty and I dunno why I'm so fucking stressed. I have this internal racing clock that's not even leading me towards anything, so I don't get it.
Breakfast and lunch are all packed for tomorrow and if I can stay within my calories all week, I think I'll go get my eyebrows waxed because at least when they're groomed well, I tend to fuck with them less. So annoying. Not that I think I should get a prize each week for staying on plan, but...at least it's not a cookie cake. Even though I'd prefer that.