Does he LOOK like a BITCH?

Man, I am having a heck of a time getting any work done today. My brain's all crazy-times and IIIIIIII don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on this drum all dayyyyy and whatnot. Prolly cause I'm all hopped up on just about every OTC sinus medication available at walgreens AND...a big ol' antibiotic. That sucker is big. It's the cadillac of antibiotics, if such a thing were to actually exist.

You guys watch the SuperBowl last night? They should rename it the SuperDoritosandBudLightCommercialathon. Made me kinda miss those frogs. Remember those? That shit was big...there were t-shirts. I've said too much.

I noticed via several commercials that Denny's is bringing back the free Grand Slam for your birthday. Man, oh man, there is nothing I love more than getting something for nothing. Even if it's something I don't really want. Like a grand slam, for instance. It's still nice of them to offer, and what am I? Too good for a handout? Certainly not during these times of economic turmoil.

But I like birthday surprises! And Denny's is like that friend that buys your birthday gift months in advance and then gets all excited and can't stop dropping hints at what it is every time you see them but then you still have to act all surprised when you open it like "Whoa, a toaster! How'd you know??" I'm not that great of an actor, Denny's. Then like every time I pass by, Denny's is gonna be all "HEY IS IT YOUR BIRTHDAY??" and I'm gonna be like "No, not for another couple months, D." Then it's gonna be all "well...I can't wait for you to get your present! I think you're gonna love it! Hey, you still like eggs, doncha??" And I don't have the heart to say that I really don't like eggs that much and I think Denny's breakfast kinda sucks and I wish it was a free SuperBird instead. No eggs on that thing. I dunno...back off, Denny's.

Anyway, tonite is Jeff's birthday party and we're going to a place where I DO actually like the food and there's not an egg in sight. Nothing but the finest hot wings and pizza and homemade chips. But I'm sick. So aside from the fact that I am morbidly obese, another good reason not to splurge tonite is that everything pretty much tastes like snot. I don't have to eat a bunch of it just because it's there. Especially when I can't even taste it. So chillax, have a wing or two, then just enjoy the company, then go home. I feel like Vincent Vega trying to convince myself not to fuck Marsellis Wallace's wife right now. Hope she doesn't OD on the couch while I'm in here talking to myself...

This is crazy. I love you all.