I gotta say, I'm getting a little tired of going to parties and only drinking water. Last night I went to Jeff's Mom's birthday party and it was full of awesomeness and I didn't have any of it. On one hand, I feel semi-proud of myself, because it feels nice to have that much control over what is most obviously a serious and lifelong addiction.
But on the other hand, I feel bitter. Bitter that these regular-sized people surrounding me can eat and drink what they choose and then be done with it. They don't have to count calories or carbs or anything else. They just get food, and eat it, then go on with their business. It's frustrating.
It's a weird conundrum being on low-carb. There's a cake, and I want it. Like, I want it a lot. But I don't feel this overpowering urge to have it. I can want things and not cave, but I'm not happy about it.
...and I feel like I should be! I feel like I should be overjoyed that I am taming this fucking monster that lives inside my brain. But instead, I'm just like, pissed at the monster. In theory, I'd love to say "no thanks, I don't want that" but instead it's more like "no thanks, I CAN'T have that." (sadface.)
So I'm trying to decide if I need to have a little slack. Will I be able to reign it back in? If I stay so super strict, will I burn out and quit altogether? What's the right answer here?
I know this is a weight loss blog, but I do so hate talking about dieting. I cringe when people ask me about it in public. The 'D' word. I feel so self-conscious when people know I'm dieting. I always feel like they're thinking either "it's about time, fatty." or "wow, what's the point?" It sucks. It's probably all in my head. Lots of things are. Stupid annoying brain always trying to bring me down.
Anyway, I think I've finally hunted and gathered enough things for my giveaway, so I'll be posting that thing soon. I'm sick of these depressing posts! I blame the cake.