Monday, June 7, 2010

"Excuse me, is there a costume shop in this town?" "no."

So Utah was pretty boring. Not that I went there to have a grand ol' time or anything seeing as how the primary reason for the trip was a FUNERAL and all. (Can't spell funeral without fun!...bad joke!)

Um, here's something: So I probably told about 400 people that I was going to St George for a funeral and most of the reactions ranged from "Utah? That place sucks!" to "Utah? It's real pretty up there." HOWEVER, of those 400 people, you would think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, ONE of them would have bothered to tell me that like, Utah is in a different fucking time zone! But no...nuh uh. No mention of that shit.

So we pull into town around 9:08 and decide we have plenty of time to burn before the 10:00 service. We stop at a truck stop and go in to like get legit. Put on mascara and lipstick, make sure your nipples aren't cross-eyed, the whole drill, you know? We're killing time trying on trucker hats and like watching people buy hot dogs because those are fun things to do in Utah.

We get back to the car and I decide on a whim to check out Twitter since I AM BORED. Hold up a sec, why does my cell phone say 10:24?? The lightbulb goes off. OH MAN FUCK IS UTAH A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE FUCK FUCK FUCK LETS GO! So we went. LATE. So late. Like, a good half hour late. And I feel bad because I'm standing around laughing about a dude who put mayo on his hot dog (GROSS!) while my boss is up there like delivering her mom's eulogy. Classic Tricia.

We explained what happened and it was kinda good because when you're in a lot of pain and grief, it's good to have your friends around to do DUMB shit to make you laugh. I think she was happy to see us, despite our bonehead moves. I know when my mom died, I was so glad when my friends from work showed up. Sometimes you just need a laugh amongst all the tears.

Plus, Utah had an Avenue Outlet store! I bought a swimsuit that didn't really fit but I thought it looked "okay enough" considering it was like, half off. The price. And off me, seeing as how when I sat down, the shirt part kept rolling up my belly like the opposite of an old lady's knee-high stocking. Ugh, sausage casing. Prolly end up returning it. That'll make three swimsuits I bought and returned in the past month! Why do dressing rooms put me in a daze that makes me think buying something too small is a good idea?? Ugh...clothes.

Anyway yeah, Utah...well, it's no California, that's for sure. I barely even took any pictures! And you guys know I will take pictures of anything! There was a Cracker Barrel though, so I can't bitch TOO much.

Here's like the THREE pictures I took while I was there:

^ Here's some weird plane we found when we got lost trying to find the Farmer's Market at 11:45. It closed at noon. Alas, no fruit for me! The road just like...ended. And there were some planes. I dunno what the hell was up with that. As you can see, I didn't even bother getting out of the car for this picture. It was hot and humid and I just wanted peaches!

^ I took this picture because this was a big-ass church. You don't see a lot of those here in Sin City. We have churches, but they're not all pristine and white and HUGE. There was this church that was being built here like a year ago and they had this big billboard on the land that said "COMING SOON: YADA YADA CHURCH! MAKING GOD A CELEBRITY!" and I thought that was a weird approach for a church. God is not a Jonas Brother, contrary to what Tammy may believe. It reminded me of Hamlet 2. You should watch that, it's pretty funny. Anyway, I don't wanna get into a whole "I DONT KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE LEAVE ME ALONE, DAD!" monologue here, but I'll just say this was a pretty building, so I took a picture of it. Also, let gay people get married. The end.

^ The last picture I took was of this sign I saw for a restaurant you'll be happy to know I did NOT go to. I think it's weird it's a buffet called with the name CHUCK in it. As in UPchuck? Cause that's how I usually feel when I leave a buffet. All upchuck-y. The A-Rama only made me think even more that it was a pukefest. But most importantly, it really made me miss CHUCK! OH CHUCK, where are you?? Come home! Mommy misses you! I always secretly hope when I check my mail (which I haven't done in almost 2 weeks!), that there'll be an anonymously sent package in there with my beloved rubber chicken and a note saying "sorry, dude." But it's never there! Makes me sad, you guys. :(

So that's it. OH, I watched Get Him to the Greek, and it's the best movie ever made and I think you should all go see it. So do that.

I hope this Monday is quick and painless.


Al (losingharry) said...

I drove into St George from Vegas on a business trip. The ride was kick ass...then I was in Utah...and that sucked.

Big Clyde said...

It seems like Salt Lake City just shuts down at 7pm. Has anyone else seen that? Anyway, my sister-in-law did live there for awhile and said the cliches aren't really is just a normal place.

Josher McGuire said...

St. George wants to be cool. But, it's really not. Salt Lake is way better with more things to do. I'm glad that you got some of the funeral in.

Tammy said...

K, so how in this scenario (a.k.a. your life) am I a Jonas Brother's fan?!? You putting that shit out there in the universe is dangerous! What if someone BELIEVES you!? What if one of these Christmas/birthdays someone slaps me with some Jonas Bro's tickets, or a signed poster or some shit? What do I do then? I'm no good at pretending to like crap presents.* is such an amazing sweater/scarf/pair of socks. You SHOULDN'T have. Really. You know not what you do, Tricia...YOU KNOW NOT!!

* But you know I will be cherishing my notepad- if only for the awesome defacing opportunities- not to mention the confusion it will create when I actually use them. At work.

Glad your weekend didn't totally blow...and you could be there for your friend (eventually).

Bring on the Monday suckage!!

Runundefined said...

I loved this post!
We were in Salt Lake last year.. it is like a different world (we live in Orlando) and ya.. the time is a killer.

Nice pix of the church.. I love interesting architecture too.

I am enjoying your blog!

Anonymous said...

Glad you survived the scariest state in the U.S. I caught a case of the willies there, once, and didn't recover for 3 decades. Now I always wear a cross when I fly over it. (Refuse to land.)

TJ said...

CHUCK!!!! HE needs to make a comeback! lol

arielcircleofnine said...

I guess I'll never know what happened to Chuck. Suffice it to say he's MIA though!!! poor Chuck...
Something about the hazy-ness of the old plane pic makes me think of those cheezy b sci-fi movies from the 60s!

POD said...

FUNNY! I miss Chuck too. (who is Chuck?) (Bride of Chuckie?)
Yeah, and uh, bathing suits. Can't we just swim neked if we're going to swim at all?

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the time change, but I didn't know that either! Glad your co-worker could have a laugh over it though!

Raegun said...

LOL at the Chuck-arama buffet. Could there be a more perfect name!? I think not!

Shelley said...

I swear that the dressing room mirrors in Lane Bryant and Avenue are bewitched...I would try on an outfit, check myself out in their mirror, think "hey, this looks pretty good - I must not be that fat" - buy the damn thing, take it home and when I put it on there I was all "what the hell just happened and where did that normal-looking person go?!?" Because believe me, I looked bad. Solution? Never leave those stores.

Or lose weight. Whatever works, right? LOL

Glad you could cheer up your boss with the time difference story - anything to get her out of the sadness, if only for a couple of minutes.

I, too, wish Chuck would return - did you ever figure out who had him last?

Tara said...

I went to my first Cracker Barrel while in Cincinnati this weekend. I was too scared to eat off the menu so I ordered egg whites/grits/dry rye toast.

The lady who took my order (while peering at me through a pound of eye makeup) smiled real nice and said "okay darlin, whatever"

I think I failed at Cracker Barrel

Results Not Typical Girl said...

Hey, I wanna eat at the Chuck-A-Rama Buffet. Or not.





foolsfitness said...

I'm really moved that you saw that badge and thought of me... but in reality I have had my eye on a full sized replica Pony Express Badge on e-bay for ages, as in real life I'm a private currier...

but being the artist I am I'm usually without cash, and usually I can find better uses for the 13 dollars. What's that old saying, sometimes it's better to want than to have.

I may have given in to the chuck it in buffet though!

Again I'm really touched that you were thinking of me! That meant more than a tin sheriffs badge any day!

At Foolsfitness we will have the "metal" to be more fit soon!- Alan

Alexia said...

Indeed that church is HUGE! And white!

But prostitution is legal in Utah. That should make it a fun state eh? Ahhh...Kiddin'

Mary (A Merry Life) said...

Ah, that sucks about the time change. You must have been in the ugly part of Utah, because where I went it was GORGEOUS. Totally awesome. But that was the north part. :)

Debbi Does Dinner Healthy said...

Up Chuck Buffet sorta has a nice ring to it.

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

Only YOU would take a picture of a "Chuck a rama Buffet" restaurant lol. Too funny!

Anonymous said...

I just can't help my self, even though I know I am asking for it just by leaving a comment.

The Hugh Church, is not a church at all. It is a Temple. The Saint George Temple.

You and your friends would have most likly enjoyed Park City much more. The life style is fitting to that of "Sin City". Add plus is you are likely to run into a movie star or two there.

Anonymous said...

Opp's missed spelled Huge... Thats what happens when you blog and fix breakfast for children all at the same time.

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