I've had my share of sand kicked in my face (AKA WINNERS ARE HERE!)

You guys ready for some WINNERSSSSS??? Hell yeah? Oh, okay...calm down. This is a respectable joint I'm trying to run here, if you don't mind.

All in all, I had 129 entries! The most of any of my giveaways so far, so hooray!

Alright, so...we'll start off today's festivities with the coveted I CAN TIE MY SHOES award! That one's going out to my main man Tony "The Anti-Jared" Posnalongname. Did you guys know he lost over 200 pounds and now he can tie his shoes and wipe himself?? We should all be so lucky to be where you are one day, Tony (especially me!). And I ain't talking about Florida, cause humidity sucks, right? RIGHT! Sorry you didn't win a real prize, but you can have this ribbon if you want it cause I bought it for you and it cost me a whole dollar. That's nothing to shake a stick at in today's rough economic climate, Tony! You ungrateful... Congrats, Jared! I wanted to send this along with a $5 Subway card, but you people know I have strict monetary limits for gag gifts. Wonk wonk.


The next prize is the GREAT EFFORT AWARD given to the Blogger who went ABOVE AND BEYOND the call of duty in order to win like some water balloons and shit. This one goes out to my gal Tammy! She is the only one who made me a video talking about how great I am! It really did make me feel great too, so KUDOS, Tammy Gibbler. Along with your awesome ribbon, you also get those fucking BOSS Jonas Brothers notepads! There's one for each brother, AND one with ALL the brothers in case you're feeling extra sassy one day! Woohoo!

Alright, now we're getting into the meat of the sandwich, folks. Next up, we got HONORABLE MENTION! According to True Random Number Generator, this one goes out to #87, who just happens to beeeeee...Ariel of Ramblings in the Circle of Nine! I dunno what you won yet, lady, but I guess I'll go back to Ross and see if they got anymore of those peelers since you said you liked it. If not, I'm sure it will be something equally awesome because it's the only way I know how to be. Congrats, friend!
In SECOND PLACE, we got #114...and that is...TARA of 263 and Counting! Tara, you win a random summer prize pack that hasn't been assembled yet, AND a $10 Starbucks card! Unless you don't like Starbucks, which would be ODD since it's so damn great, but if you are weird and hate it for some reason, let me know before I go buy the dang thing and then you don't even use it! Really, the gift card can be from anywhere as long as it's within like 5 miles of my house, cause it's summer here and you know I don't have air in my car, so I'm not gonna drive across town or anything, but I DO want you to be happy, so yeah. Get with me on this at a later time, please. Thanks. Congrats!
AND THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER OF A WHOLE BOX OF 300 THINGS IS.....

#31...

AND THAT IS...

Tricia! ME?? I WON?? REALLY??? OH, it's that OTHER Tricia...(sadface.)

Congrats to Tricia at Endurance Isn't Only Phyical for winning ALL THE THINGS! Hooray!

Sheeee is the champion, my friiiiennndssss...
And sheeee'lll keep on fighting (fatphobia) till the enddddddd...
SHE IS THE CHAMPION
SHE IS THE CHAMMMPION
NO TIME FOR LOSERZ (yous guys)
Cause sheeee is the championnnnn...of my bloggggg!
(sing it, you know you want to!)

Congrats to alllll the winners, and please send your addresses and social security numbers to fight.fat.phobia@gmail.com to get your prizes!

As for the rest of you guys, I sorry :(

I love you all. All 352 of you, woooooo!!!

Have an awesome weekend! I gotta go to Utah for a funeral (downer!) I've never been to Utah though, so hopefully it won't be too terrible and I won't come back a Mormon and wife 6 of 7.

Bye bye :)