***Warning: I was mad when I wrote this.
You know, despite my often rough exterior, I'm actually pretty sensitive when it comes to my flab. Contrary to popular belief, I don't enjoy being reminded that it's there! I know it's there...I have to deal with it every minute of every day, so you're not doing me some huge favor by reminding me that everyone else can see it too.
Maybe I should explain. There's this Dane Cook joke, I think...it's like, in every group of friends, there's that one asshole that everyone hates. Well our asshole is Jack's sister. She ALWAYS just shows up wherever he is and proceeds to bitch about EVERYTHING. It's really fucking annoying, but they're like a package deal, so everyone accepts it and deals with it.
But now she's like pregnant. It's this whole like dramatic situation, but needless to say her being pregnant has done real wonders in raising her already cunt-like attitude levels. SO...we're all chilling in Erica's backyard and it's like HOTTT...Las Vegas in the summertime, whodathunkit?? She gripes for like an hour about how hot it is which is already getting on my nerves. Then THIS happens:
Her: "Ugh, being pregnant in the summer fucking sucks."
Me: "yup...it's hot."
Her: "It's already so hot, then I have to wear this fat suit all day!"
Me: "Yeah...sucks, dude."
Her: "I had already gained a few pounds before I got pregnant but nothing LIKE THIS, GOD!"
Her: "I dunno how you do it. Being THIS SIZE all the time!"
Her: "Like, don't you think it's too hot to stay so fat???"
Angel, seeing me there with my mouth gaping open like some fucking bass, swooped in and asked me to help her get a cooler out of her car. I...like...I didn't even know WHAT to say! Am I fat? YES. Do I need you to fucking broadcast it to a backyard full of people?? NO! UGH, fucking bitch! Needless to say, it was a real fucking downer. I dealt with it in the totally adult way of avoiding her the rest of the day and eating a lot. Grr.
I mean, today, after I've had time to think about it...MAYBE she didn't mean it in some malicious way, but still, it's just fucking rude. It's not like when I'm on my period, I go up to her and say "SERIOUSLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DEAL WITH BEING A CUNT EVERYDAY BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING TO ME, DUDE!" Maybe I should.
I take the moral high ground because I'm either a weak bitch or because I think it's not worth alienating myself from the group. But man, I swear, sometimes I really just wanna punch her in her fat fucking pregnant mouth.
Am I being irrational?? Did I just take it the wrong way because I think she's an evil troll and I automatically assume everything she says is to be heard with an asshole-like undertone? I dunno. But now in the retelling, I'm pissed again.
I'm a nice person! I accept everyone for who they are, even annoying assholes. But fuck, stick a goddamn cork in it, you breeding whore. GRRRRRRRRR.