Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Talkin' bout my poos again.

So...I like to read on the toilet. I'm pretty sure my colon doesn't even know how to start without a magazine or book or AT THE VERY LEAST, an emergency shampoo bottle in my hand. It's kinda weird though because I don't like to hang out in the bathroom. So it's not usually a very long read. I've bookmarked a page, then bookmarked that SAME page three sentences later and thought that was totally normal. To be continued, dudes.

The thing I'm turlet-reading right now is the Dr Atkins Diet Revolution book. Boy, talk about your boring reads! But it's creating problems.

As you may or may not know, my diet is literally, and figuratively, in the toilet. I'm going through my summer slump. It's all hot and gross outside and the last thing I wanna do when I get home from work is cook some meat-product and then eat it. Atkins is more winter-y, for sure.

Plus, some nights it's just TOO awful to cook. If I wanna have a big-ass fruit salad instead of a pound of steak, my brain says to me "that's okay!" But Dr Atkins is all "NO FRUIT, YOU DUMMY!" ARGH! And to be honest, the thought of going all summer without a giant bowl of watermelon or some grilled corn on the cob or even a Crystal Lite Slurpee makes me wanna dieeeeeee. So I think about it and I'm like "okay, well I'll go back to counting calories, because it still works and at least I can have frozen yogurt or a peach, you know?"

But then I have to poo. Which means I have to read more of Dr Atkins telling me he's going to CURE MY DIABEETUS just by making me eat pork chops. Seems so easy! I wanna cure diabetes too, Doc! Then I think "He's right, I gotta do this!" OH CONUNDRUMS.

So in the meantime, I do nothing. I do...everything. I do like a large Coca Cola/Wild Cherry Slurpee and a Choco Taco for lunch. Then we get pizza for dinner. Then I'm all "man, this scale must be broke..." Because denial is the new black. And it's too hot to wear black in the summertime, so I need to get over this shit, PRONTO.

Also, I dunno what in the hell is going on with Janell but she's got me all worried, and I sure hope she's okay! BE OKAY. Maybe if you're one of those faith-based types, you can say something nice about her in your closing ceremonies tonight. Also, be okay. Thanks.


Debbi Does Dinner Healthy said...

Now, I'm not a big atkins fat. A lot of the principles are okay but I don't like the idea of someone telling me what I CAN'T eat. Fruit is healthy. Eat it. Just don't eat a TON, have a bowl full, it's okay. Have a piece of corn on the cob. Then, skip the bread. The fruit and corn have a lot of sugar so you don't need anymore sugars in the bread. Eat your hamburger without the bun. Or just have some protein. Just eat sensibly. It's actually very simple, but it's not EASY at all! I don't believe you should eliminate ALL CARBS. It's ridiculous, carbs taste good. But it does make sense to limit them and pick and choose the sensible ones. I actually was just working on a post just like this for my blog, it will be posted either today or tomorrow. I am not an expert, I just know what works for me.

Lisa said...

Hey girlie! You have an award over at my blog.


Laurie ( said...

The most successful "diet" is one that you can stay on... If you need that watermelon, by all means have it! Fruit is great for you.. it's just not great in combination with a choco taco, even though those things are the bomb! LOL

arielcircleofnine said...

Ive done Atkins before...I dunno...basically I think lean meats and non-starchy veg/fruit is the way to go but what the hell do I know? Im fat!
Get outta that summer slump, diabeetus must not be encouraged to flourish!!!

Results Not Typical Girl said...

so you're saying if I was more constipated I'd be more literate? hmmmm. :)

River said...

In elementary school during the exam days I remember falling asleep doing my homework on the toilet!

I tried Atkins a couple of years ago. I was so happy for 10 days then I just had to have bread and bread was followed by other carbs blah blah... Yeah it is very very difficult. Good luck =)

Jenn said...

Atkins is tough - it gets very monotonous after a while.
If you have diabetes, you do have to be careful about fruit. My mom has type 2, she has to stay away from watermelon, which sucks. But you can usually have berries, since they have a lower sugar level.
But you could do a big salad with some grilled meat on it - that's a great summer dinner, and within the Atkins guidelines...

Foster Fitness said...

HA! Emergency shampoo bottle. So true. :)

Shelley said...

Two years ago I was on a high protein diet and couldn't have fruit all summer...which made me want it even more. Today I have a fridge full of summer fruit (but no watermelon - now I need to go back to the store!) and I'm enjoying it. I agree with the other commenter - the best diet is one you can stick with.

Oh, and I'm worried about Janell too. Hope she updates us soon.

Flabby McGee said...

I had a friend who did Atkins. Swore by it, and lost about 60lbs - but then she started stuffing her face with bacon and cheese. Meh. I think counting calories is the way to go - that way you can still have some of the things you love. I tried atkins - got headaches from trying to cut out carbs. Not going there again, I love my bread too much. Put something else in the bathroom besides dr atkins and then have a happy pooing.

screwdestiny said...

I would prefer a fruit salad over a steak in some hot ass weather, too. Have the fruit salad, Tricia. Just not the Slurpee.

Traci said...

Step 1: Throw that book away.
Step 2: Eat the fruit (I have to watch what fruit and how much I eat too, but it's still healthy food.)

~Jessica said...

Girl... eat the damn fruit!

And how long are all of you in the bathroom for? I'm barely in there doing the deed for long enough to notice that I need to shave... or wax... or both.

*Tracy* said...

i love to read while on the toliet too lmao, nice! you gotta do whats good for you, im sure you will find something that works and u can stay on. hugs

TJ said...

sounds like you need new poopoo reading material. :)

no fruit in the summertime!!???!!!???? I would rather DIE!

TJ said...

oh and PS ....GO LAKERS!!!! hehe

Raegun said...

Following Atkins would never happen for me. That kind of restriction takes waaaay more will power than I've got. ;P

wildfluffysheep said...

I need to get back on it pronto. I think i have a summer time slump going on too.

Big Clyde said...


Do your own thing...I hate the idea of trying to suggest something off of your own plan.

But since you are feeling bad about it and not really maintaining it, here goes:

Losing weight can cure your diabetes (according to the many people that have done it). If Atkins works, then rock it. I've done it before as well. It was tough for me to maintain it as a real lifestyle change because pretty much everyone believes that a steady diet of bacon cheeseburgers with minimal vegetables just doesn't seem healthy in the long term.

I am now a fan of counting calories. 2,000 a day is a great start. Have a little ice cream, have some carrots, have some meat, eggs and fruit. Drink vodka. It all works. Just count those numbers each day. Consider it. It feels like more of a long-term habit I can sustain than a short-term "tricking my body" food plan.

Big Clyde

Kelly said...

Tricia, I know so much about you now. LOL You crack me up.

I've tried the Atkins thing before. Though I did lose weight I started to have an unhealthy obsession over bread and the smell of bread. And since macaroni and cheese is one of the major food groups I didn't las too long.

Ugh, the never ending struggle with healthy living. I feel ya. ut we can do it. We're strong! :)

Anonymous said...

My husband tried Atkins - all meat/protein/cheese/eggs. Didn't lose anything!

He's started counting calories (surprised he can eat so much food!) and has started losing weight - so proud of him!

You are so funny about having to read to poo - that one cracked me up!

Sarah said...

I didn't realized someone had already given it to you but I also gave you the Beautiful Blogger Award.


Anonymous said...

Haven't read through all the comments above, so I may be redundant. Here's my issue with Atkins: can you do it forever? Any diet plan you can't stick with forever isn't going to work, right? Can you eat that low carb forever? Can you really stick to a diet that doesn't allow "anything in moderation" ? I think counting calories is most effective, but I also thing that eating lower carb is a fabulous idea if you have diabetes or pre-diabetes. A little fruit is certainly ok, and you'll be far better of managing your diabetes minus any bread, pasta, white potatoes, rice. If you DO have any grains, choose normal serving sizes of whole wheat bread, pasta, and rice. Check out for some great low-carb healthy recipes. Good luck! :)

Anonymous said...

You posted this in January, "I started thinking about my own "five years." I've been lazily taking care of my own diabetes for at least the last five years. I take my insulin but what good is it when I still eat like shit and continue to let the numbers run wild. I don't wanna be the somber lesson that makes my friends get their life in check. I wanna get my own damn life in check."

Jen said...

Atkins is a joke, don't do it. Any diet that is asking you to give up Gods Candy "Fruit" is not a long lasting diet that you want to be on.

As I work to drop my 60lbs. I have decided to quit dieting altogether. I want a life style make over. I have the feeling you have read plenty of diet books to know what a healthy food is.

I started with giving up soda/caffeine and traded it for a vitamin along with herbal tea. I love all the flavors that are out there. I add rice milk to mine to drink it.

Then with in the last 3 weeks I gave up candy for weight training.

I also traded white bread for wheat bread.

I also started simply walking every day. As far as I felt comfy with. After all just getting started is half the battle.

I dropped my first 4lbs after 3 weeks.

As I head into week 4 I really hope to drop 2lbs.

I also allow my self a free day on Sunday to eat what I want. I had cake yesterday for my daughters Birthday. Still kept off those 4lbs, when I stepped on the scale today.

What change am I making this week. I start a 3 day a week aerobic class. It scares me a bit. I don't love to work out all that much.

What keeps me going is this thought.
I am like a worn out, slightly ripped 50 dollar bill. I still of worth and I want to live.

Get up and make one change today for the whole week. Throw out the Atkins book, it is bringing you down. Read something else on the toilet.

Have a great Day!!!

Yum Yucky said...

A Crystal Lite Slurpee? yeah?

Laurie ( said...

I don't think you should be allowed to go more than 48 hours without blogging... just sayin..

Kelsey said...

haha actually thats really true for me too, about the first bit and book marking the page shortly after. haha. but yea atkins on the toilet.. havent done that one. hehe <3 just sayin' lol

Anonymous said...

atkins is a joke. burn more calories than you take in. eat healthy. that means fruit.

ta da!

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