Monday, October 25, 2010

I'm here (sometimes), I'm queer (sometimes), get used to it.

Status: Still not dead.

Suffice it to say you may never TRULY know how big your waist is until one day when you have to make your own rainbow-colored-tutu for the clown costume you decided to go with for Halloween. Holy Jesus, is that thing ever huge. Many hours and many yards of brightly colored tulle later, and all I can say about the technicolor monstrosity that is literally eating up my closet is that at least there's no chance anyone else will show up with the same costume.

Once again I went way overboard on Halloween. We decided to do this whole circus theme for the department at work, and while I'm WAY over-excited for the whole thing, I can't tell if my enthusiasm is GOOD because it gives me lots of shit to do which means my hands are busy with hot glue guns and glittery things and not idly stuffing fun-sized snacks into my mouth or BAD because it leaves me no time to cook, clean, eat right or have real meals. I will call it a toss-up since I'm maintaining my fatness, but at least I'm not gaining, which is pretty good for my all-time favorite holiday and handy excuse to binge eat Heath bars.

I'll post some pictures later of my whole rainbow clown get-up. Imagine a float in the Gay Pride Parade on LSD, basically. Only fatter.

In other news, my therapist has cancer and that is a fucking bummer! I had to skip two weeks of therapy because of my crappy new schedule at work and then I get this letter in the mail telling me she'll be out of the office for at least 3 months due to ongoing radiology treatments. That sucks, man. Aside from my own selfish reasons of being like I NEED YOU THERE TO HELP ME AND FORCE HUG ME EVERY TUESDAY, LADY, there's also the sense of sadness that comes from actually caring because she's such an oddly nice person that I feel genuinely bad that she has to go through this. Whoa, look at me, caring about other people and shit. It's like a whole new Tricia. Only fatter.

I hope she'll get through it and get back in there to deal with my selfishness soon. I sure don't wanna have to look for another therapist, but seeing as how I took the very last Prozac today, I guess I got no choice. I hope the new one's not an asshole because he/she's gonna have freakishly long but really skinny and nice shoes to fill, ya know?

Sorry I'm not around much. I never wanted to become one of those blogger people who comes back like every couple months and leaves some shitty update just to disappear again, but mostly I just don't have things to write about. Most days just seem okay. I feel like some fraud being part of this whole dieting blog community knowing damn well I don't diet or blog very often, but it's still nice to have here for when I feel like I wanna talk. So if you're still here, thanks for hanging in there and maybe one day it'll be better.

Up with hope, down with dope, etc.


Amanda said...

Blogging tends to be kind of cyclical. If I weren't determined to write something... anything, no matter how dull, I'd likely be taking time off too. Because my life is just not that exciting.

You do what you have to do. We'll be around. And yes, the pictures of the costume are mandatory.

Cynthia said...

Glad your back Tricia - I was checking on you ever so often to see if you were back - Take care of yourself - one day at a time - most of us on here are in your same boat - I feel like being fat is a life sentence too - but you know and I know that it is up to us to change it - be blessed my dear.

LMH said...

Sorry to hear about your shrink, and I am excited to see your costume. Such is life - sadness and excitement in the same sentence.

Hang in there, lady. Do what you can. I'll be here when you are.

Anonymous said...

Therapy is okay but it can't come close to the experience of living by a motto *I* earned the right to practice after 5 decades of insanity: "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain..." in reference to the thoughts wandering around in what I once took to be my mind. Strangely, the body is much lighter now too.

Oh, yeah, sometimes I'm queer too. :)

BTW, your lack of over-exposure in the blogging world leaves your fans enticed yet wanting more of you.

Stumbling across one of your posts is like discovering that someone has left a gift for me in my cubby: a single serving of my favorite (fabulously rich and expensive) chocolate.


Tantra Flower said...

Aw (((((()Tricia)))))))<---forced hug

I am so sorry about your therapist. It's terrible she has to go through that and also stinks that you found someone you felt comfortable with and now it's been ripped out from under you. It takes so much courage to seek help and then to have this happen. I hope it all works out.

Pictures, yay!!!

arielcircleofnine said...

That really is sad about your therapist, I hope the substitute-therapist isnt an asshole. Maybe she or he will be good too. So glad to see your post, and I aint goin anywhere so you best be posting those pics of the costume later!!!! :-D

Kelly said...

Even if you don't have anything to say it's good to hear from you when you do post.
Loved the description of the Halloween costume. :)

That really sucks about your therapist. So sad. I hope that she recovers from this quickly.

TJ said...

it's not about dieting its about being here for each other....and I'm here still :) Can't wait to see pics of your costume! :) Sorry your therapist has C :( That sucks. ;(

bbubblyb said...

Good to see an update from you Tricia, glad your ok. Sorry to hear about your therapist, I know how it is feeling like you need them but also knowing they are doing what is best for them (kind of like mine retiring). I said a prayer for her and hopefully she will be back seeing you soon. I can't wait to see the clown get up.

Dina said...

You are my favorite fraud in the blogiverse.

Tammy said...

I hate to hear that about your therapist...but defnitely find someone soon, even as a fill-in, so you can keep getting the Rx for the Prozac. It's helping, right? It's good to hear from you. We'll be here when you feel like blogging again. :)

wildfluffysheep said...'s cool to be original! i really do want to see your awesome costume!

My office isn't doing anything for halloween. I am not
excited about it at all.

i have missed reading your blog

Shelley said...

I don't come here to read a diet blog, I come here to read what you write, period. So spew, vent, dribble, whatever - this is your place to do what you want.

Sorry about your therapist. That both sucks and blows.

Amy said...

having to find a new therapist sucks. i wish they all had an online sameple therapy session so you could see how they are... if I'd known how my current therapist was, i'd never had signed up with her. now I'm stuck out of laziness.

Deborah said...

Even if you don't blog very often, you're still one of my favorites.

Janell said...

Loved reading this and imagining your therapist faking their cancer. hahahaha
Just kidding.
But you know..the mind plays tricks.
I can hardly wait to see the tutu.

Serena said...

Wow, you are a busy girl with Halloween. So sorry to hear about your therapist, sorry for her problems, and that it disrupts your life. I hate it when I finally think someone is there for me, and then, zing, a glitch.
As for eating right, how we eat and take care of ourselves affects our interactions with others. Resist the urge to nitpick at yourself. Give your self helpful, positive, and healing self talk.
I also try to remember a few rules to help me eat well no matter what my day throws at me.
2 fruits
5 vegies
lots of water
30-40 min of brisk walking

Love the person you are today.

Anonymous said...

Your marvelous, witty, sarcastic and always an entertaining read. You should be a writer. You may not be dieting, but you are NOT a fraud. Blog when you want about what you want, I'll continue to read!

Gina said...

I am very interested to see your pictures with your whole rainbow clown get-up.

Biz said...

So glad you posted Tricia! I always worry when people don't post - I think the worst!

Sorry about your therapist, but hopefully you'll click with someone in her absense - and Heath bars? I deem those insulin worthy! :D

Have a great weekend - please post the clown pics! :D

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