Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Hell is for childrennnn...

As always, Halloween is the one event of my entire year that really really really matters. Aside from my birthday...which matters, a lot more than it should at this age, obviously. I can't help it, I am a child trapped in this giant body and all I wanna do is celebrate the days in my life where I get to dress like an idiot and/or have a bunch of unexplained sugary items and wear tiny hats.

So naturally I did all three of those things this Halloween and it was GREAT! Probably one of the best ever except for the fact that it was on a Sunday which sucks because no one will go out to a bar on a Sunday night, it turns out. And no bands play. And...Sam's closes early, which I also forgot about. So Sundays suck, but I didn't let it ruin my fun.

On Thursday we did our Customer SER-CUS at work and that was a shitload of fun but also a lot of work and it's not easy running around all day in 30 layers of tulle trying to entertain adults in a banking call center. We got first place though, WOO HOO! I dunno what we won, I guess we'll find out this week. Hopefully not food! Here's some pictures of the circus!

I made this sign. And the arrow. I did a lot of crafts this month. (Heaven.)

I made this sign too! That's the nerd my friend at work is secretly in love with but she won't tell him. SCANDALOUS!

Hey, I made THIS sign too! People thought it was pretty funny. That's because it was.

Here's our circus crew! (L to R) My boss The Ringleader, Chris the Strongman, Mo the Bearded Lady, Me as Sprinkles the Clown, The Mormom as our Stuntman, Dee as our Fortune Teller and the new dude as some weird Carnie/Tattoo Man Hybrid. I told that dude to wear a mullet and an old rock t-shirt ala Joe Dirt and look like a Carnie and
this is what he showed up in.
THIN ICE, new dude! Plus, he looks like Rick Astley.

Me and muh girlz. Kinda looks like my boss is trying to tickle my tits with that whip, but I assure you, she is not. Unfortunately.

I wore the same costume on Halloween night because you don't spend like 30 bucks on tulle and only wear it once...it's like, the law or some shit. Plus, the thought of having to find another fat costume was like...fuck that noise. It worked out pretty good because most kids do actually like clowns if you don't paint your face up like some scary asshole or cruise around in a windowless van. Also, I can kinda make balloon animals! Well, lemme clarify...I can make like, a sword, and a dog...and a flower. But a flower takes 2 balloons and fucking forever, so that wasn't even an option.

So ya know, we live in Las Vegas, which is mostly in a major recession and most people are really poor and used to not getting what they want and shit so if you say "well, do you want a sword or a dog?" they don't say "I want a UNICORN!" and expect to get it, ya know? But this one damn kid was like deadset on getting a dumbass rat. A RAT. Of all things. I was like "well, I don't really know how to make rats...how bout a gray dog?" (because they are obviously the same thing.) and she's all "no thank you, I would like a rat, thank you." It was a weird mix of perfect manners and like total fascist asshole behavior and her mom was just like staring off into space like she was thanking Jesus just to have two minutes away from her mild-mannered Stalin child.

So fine, I'll try the rat. Who know? Maybe somewhere deep within the gray matter of my brain is some stellar rat-making visionary just waiting to be awoken?? Ah, but no. It ended up being just like a really short dog with a real long tail. I tried to play it off. TA-DA LOOK AT THAT RAT TAIL, MAN! She only stares at me. A ghostly stare. I can tell...this child isn't pleased. "I'm sorry, but rats do not have long noses." I look over at mom who is literally standing out in the middle of the road at this point still staring straight up into the sky either still praying to her God for this extended balloon-making session or waiting patiently for the spaceship to come pick her crazy ass back up. Kindly do not leave your red-eyed demon spawn here when you go, lady! And here, take this rat-dog with you. She ended up taking a red sword. And the rat, because I wouldn't let her leave without it. Who knows what kinda weird ass Eve's Bayou swamp curse she bestowed upon it? I'm poor enough, okay??

The rest of the night went along swimmingly! Swords and dogs all around! Happy kids and lots of babies to hold and letting older kids picks prizes from my BAG O' TRICKS which was mostly filled with Dollar Store fare such as toilet bowl tablets, mouse traps, whoopee cushions and pregnancy tests. Good times, my friends. I ate a brownie and some meatballs and sadly bid Halloween 2010 adieu. :(

Oh well, only 363 more days to go!

Although my costume did come out looking slightly like a Gay Pride Float, pretty much everyone loved it and it was a lot of fun! And I can't believe I found rainbow tights that actually fit! Also, GAY RIGHTS NOW!!

Lady Gaga pose.

An added plus to all the bright colors was that babies were like OBSESSED with my costume. Ryder fell in love with my squeaky horn which soon become a weird mix of body glitter, baby saliva and gnawed up Ritz crackers. Super hot, I know.

Some random victims of my Bag O' Tricks! A plastic banana, Bean-O and a gummy hand.

I found a clown out trick-or-treating and had to sucker her in for a picture!

34 comments:

TJ said...

I loved all the pics! You look like you had a rockin night T! Oh and I agree EQUAL RIGHTS NOW!

:)

bbubblyb said...

You crack me up as always. You know you need to add hats and shields to your balloon creations. You don't have to do anything great just wing it and the kids will be fighting the ultimate battles with each other lol. It use to be the biggest hit at the kids Birthday parties, I really only make dogs, flowers and swords too lol. Loved the story of the rat girl I too would have made sure she took it lol. Great great costume I want you to dress me up for Halloween. Looked like a great time at work too. Pregnancy test? lol

Anne H said...

You can make me a gray dog anytime.
Love the Lady Gaga!

Tammy said...

Dear Lord I laughed until I cried about the kid you made the rat-dog for and her mom standing in the middle of the street waiting for her "ride", lmao.....oh you just kill me, lol. Awesome pics, too!! :)

Janell said...

This is freakin hysterically written and fabulous. How did you write it from the gutter, Pennywise?

I'm sharing on fb and tweeting cuz its' just too good not to share.

Amy said...

Um. Is it just me or is it NOT the squeaky horn Baby is staring at?

Also, those tights are freaking awesome. Where did you get them because I am buying some!

Anonymous said...

You are so awesome it hurts. Hurts me so good...

LAF said...

That pic of you and Ryder is a frickin' riot!
So glad that you were able to 'work' in a little fun down at the ole' call center.

arielcircleofnine said...

"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!" LMAO!! Lovin the costume, and the tights are the bomb for sure.
What kind of little girl loves rats???

outdoor.mom said...

oh fun costumes!! i like the name of your blog.

Results Not Typical Girl said...

between the hat and the tu-tu, i might be ready to try the lesbo thing. i'll ask hubby and get back to you.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

You turned me into a lesbian, too. Waitaminute... I better recheck my math...

Biz said...

Love your costume! And I love the reference that your outfit is like a gay pride parade!

Way to rock it! :D

Katie J said...

Just checking in T - hope you are doing okay.

Anne H said...

HiDeeHo!
Just saying "HI!" on this Thanksgiving Day -
:)

Biz said...

Hope you had a nice turkey day! :D

Results Not Typical Girl said...

p.s. still missing you.

Santa's Helper said...

Ho Ho Ho
Santa sent me to say "hi!"
☃☃☃☃

crazyjojo said...

You should get more tule skirts to wear over black tights, they look really pretty. I hope you are well Tricia. I have missed reading your blog. Please post again soon.

Cheryl said...

Merry Christmas, Tricia! Peace to you in 2011. You are missed.

Amanda said...

Thinking of you Tricia. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New year! Come back soon!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is very enjoyable....look forward to reading it again soon.

crazyjojo said...

Hi Tricia. I hope you post again soon. I really, really hope that you had a Merry Christmas! You rock on so many levels! Please post to say how you are.

Anonymous said...

Come back...at whatever place you are. We will support you no matter what.

Elena said...

I love the pics! It is so much fun there.
I wish you Happy New Year 2011.

Biz said...

I hope you write again! :D

Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

I miss your unique way of seeing the world and the fabulous ways you express your perspective. We need a word that means hilarious and touching combined. Oh, maybe, "human"?

Be well in peace.

Robin

Jil said...

Hope you are well...I check your blog everyday...so, if you could post a "Hi, I am okay" post...all would be well...ish!

Jil

crazyjojo said...

I hope that you do a quick post soon, just to say if you are alive. I'm worried.

Janell said...

Something funny must have happened by now. Jesus!

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your blog, but I guess you don't post very often, so I'm off to read other blogs. You write well and are hilarious, too bad you haven't kept up with it. Oh well.

Kristen said...

Miss you Tricia! I hope that 2011 is off to a wonderful start for you!

Erin said...

I was a fairly recent subscriber to your blog but instantly loved reading it. It makes me sad to see your name in grey on my Google Reader list instead of black, indicating a new post. Please come share your stories with us again?

wedding said...

"Life is like riding a bike, in order to keep your balance you gotta keep moving!"
this was so beautiful and peaceful and made me happy for you.
Wedding Dress
This site is a can refer to the choice of browser may help you see
Welcome back. Wonderful photos, wonderful story. So glad you could be there.

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