Friday, May 28, 2010

Oh my God, Becky...

Wow, guys! I'm way impressed with the amount of entries I got for the 300 Things Giveaway already! You guys rule at viral messaging! I saw my name on Twitter so many times today! I felt like Levi Johnson, minus the abs and plus some smarts. He's kinda dumb, I hear. On Twitter. I get all my news there, and from Gnu News. You know the line.

Anyway, keep entering cause I'm not doing the drawing until next Thursday (6/3/10) because that's close enough to payday that I'll actually be able to afford to send it out...woohoo!

So I'm REALLY excited because I'm leaving after work tomorrow on a short road trip to Ontario, California to go to Dave & Busters! One of my favorite places EVERRRRR! I'll be honest...I am a giant kid. You give me ten bucks in quarters and a skee-ball machine and you won't see me for a while. But I feel weird going to Chuck E Cheese with no kids! Sometimes I think I should just have a kid so people stop looking at me like I'm some pedophile just because I wanna play some damn air hockey!

But D&B is like grown-up Chuck E Cheese! It's so perfect! If only it wasn't so damn far away. It's like 4 hours, I think. I dunno cause I've never driven to California before, so that's another reason to be excited! I'm going with the trivia crew, so surely a druken blast is in store.

I'll be honest, the reason I'm most excited is because we're getting a hotel room and I'm HOPE HOPE HOPING that it has a big-ass bathtub in it! I love our apartment, but these bathtubs are TOO fucking tiny for life! I tried to use it once when my foot was broken, but it was like me and a thimble full of water and it was still overflowing. NO BUENO. So it's been like over a year since I've had a bath, and I want one, dammit! I used to love just laying there chilling for like hours and refilling the tub over and over again with hot water. Mmm, wastefulness. Look, this sounds bad, I DO SHOWER EVERY DAY. I have to, or else my hair looks like the current state of the Gulf of Mexico right now (so terrible...)

I just...want a bath. So...here's hoping it's not some tiny tub like the one I got now. And by tiny, I mean, "built for regular assholes who aren't me-sized." So yeah.

Also, I bought some jeans, but they don't really fit. But they're kinda cool looking so I bought them anyway. So I'm gonna wear them all night tonite in the hopes that they'll stretch a little and I won't freaking die having to be in a car for 4 hours without breathing. Well, like, they FIT...but it's not a good fit. It's like "okay, get the pliers, time to zip these bitches up!" but that's still better than wearing my Mom jeans with the steering-wheel-rub-spot on em.

One thing I do hate about jeans that don't fit is how they turn my stomach into a front-butt. Baby...got...front. I seriously have no ass. It sucks to be this fat and have small T&A! It's like the cruelest joke ever played on mankind and it's happening right here in my bra and panties. Shit is unfair! If I could learn how to walk backwards, I would have more luck because my backrolls can be pretty voluptuous and my front-butt is the stuff most rap songs are written about. No, not Courvoisier...booty, silly!

Oh well, they'll fit one day!

By this time tomorrow, I'll know if I won the contest at work or not. I sure hope I do! I've done all I can at this point. It's all up to the scale gods now. Unless they don't exist...in which case, I am probably SCREWED.

Hope you guys have a fun weekend!

19 comments:

Sharon said...

Good luck on the contest! I'm cheering for you :)

Twon said...

Mmm, Levi Johnston. Sometimes really dumb looks really good without a shirt or pants on. Just sayin'.

Laurie (GastricGirl.com) said...

OMG, people at work must be wondering why I'm laughing so hard!
I can totally relate to this post... I had an ass big enough for it's own zip code, but definitely lacking in the boob department, both before, and ESPECIALLY after... I've considered shopping in the pre-teen section to hopefully find a bra that fits.. DEPRESSING!!!!
Baths are soo nice, and I hope they have a lovely one for you at the hotel!
I love D&B too! We went there for my birthday last year... Fun stuff!
Hugs! Have a great weekend!
Good luck on your weigh in today! :)

Katy said...

Have a grrrrrreat weekend at D&B! See you back here next week.

Big Clyde said...

Waiting for the weigh-in results...I am cheering you on.

Teale said...

D&B is super fun! I've only been once (cuz the nearest one's about 3 hours from me) but had a blast! I love their "Gene Machine" Where you can get your picture taken & a friend's picture taken & they'll tell you what your fake baby would look like. And it's always awful.

CinciMom11 said...

Haha, your piece about jeans and t&a cracked me up!!! I'm fine in the booty department, but I'm practically flat-chested. It just doesn't seem far. Right after I had my son (when boobs are supposed to be HUGE) and I weighed about 300, I couldn't fill out my B-cup nursing bra. NOT FAIR. I hope you stretch your jeans out nicely for the ride. :)

I can't wait to hear the contest results!!!

CinciMom11 said...

P.S. - I can totally relate to the greasy hair bit. I used to have great hair, but now it's yucky. I always have frizzies and flyaways. The grease is bad. I wish I could occasionally take a shower and skip the shampoo, but that will NEVER happen.

bbubblyb said...

Good luck with the weigh-in. You had me laughing. I did have a HUGE ass but it went away darn it and the boobs were never all that so they are gone now too. As for the big tub I dreamed of it for years so when we started our bathroom remodel (remember the port-a-potty and camp shower lol) I was having my big tub so I do now. So I hope the hotel has one for you to enjoy, if not you can come to my house lol.

TJ said...

you crack me up.

Have FUN at D & B! I love skee ball- Sean promised me a real one for when we get our house! Yes, I am serious! :)

Good luck on the contest- I hope you WIN!!!!!!

The Phat Nanny said...

OH EM GEE! I'm seriously laughing my front ass off!

Gurl, go get your ski-hockey on. Have a blast!

TaDa said...

you go girl

Shelley said...

I just busted up laughing right here at work - note to self: do not read Tricia while "working" or firing may commence! Front butt, indeed!!!

Have a great time at D&B - and I hope you get the bathtub of your dreams in the hotel room!

big_mummy said...

ya know, i have that front ass in my jeans too lol... You are not alone my friend

arielcircleofnine said...

well this baby gots front...AND back!! As previously mentioned, I dont think clothing designers keep us humans in mind!
Hope you have a great time this weekend!!! take lots of pics, and BLOG when you return so we can enjoy vicariously!

Jamie said...

I can totally relate to the no ass no boob thing! I hate it in fact my pants look like an 80 year old mans in the butt.

*Tracy* said...

lmao literally! i have no ass :( congrats on winning, hope you have a awesome weekend!

screwdestiny said...

Oh man, that part about the front-butt had me laughing SO HARD. You are hilarious. I have a friend who is pretty overweight, and she has huge boobs (that are really nice, too), but no ass or hips. So you're not alone. Oh, and I don't fit in bathtubs either. I mean, I fit width wise, but not lengthwise. Like, bathtubs aren't built for anyone over the height of 5'4", I swear. I would need to have a rather large tub to actually be able to have all of my 5'9" body in there.

poisoncr8zylush said...

"If I could learn how to walk backwards, I would have more luck because my backrolls can be pretty voluptuous and my front-butt is the stuff most rap songs are written about. "

OMG SRLY I CAN'T BREATHE LOL! You're awesome!

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