Give it away Give it away Give it away now...

Good morning, sunshine(s).

As you can no doubt tell from my happiness this early in the morning, clearly I future-dated this post at some ungodly hour last night. I am not a morning person, never will be. But I wanted to post this early because I want lots and lots of people to see it, and enter, and win. Well, I only want one of you to win. Well...okay, I WANT all of you to win, but only one of you CAN win, so...yeah. This confusing paragraph leads me to the following announcement: I AM HAVING MY VERY FIRST FIGHT FAT PHOBIA GIVEAWAY!! Shout it from the rooftops, people.

Here's a picture of the loot!

I made that collage in Picasa. Pretty fancy for me, eh? Here's a list of the stuff that's in it:

The Biggest Loser Glass Digital Kitchen Scale - You want this.
Thermos FUNtainer 10 oz Food Jar - Yeah, this has Bakugan on the front, and like, I dunno what the hell that is, but apparently it's something the kids are into. Alls I know is that this thing is supposed to keep hot stuff hot for 5 hours or cold stuff cold for 7 hours, and that's a lot.
5 Pc Measuring Cup Set AND 5 pc Measuring Spoon Set - In festive fall colors, you will notice.
Lock & Lock 6pc Storage Set - These rule, and they're stainproof, so they're good for tomato-y stuffs.
Egg Dude Precision Measuring Cup - Perfect for those 2 tbsp servings you keep cheating on.
Bell Pedometer - Speed, calorie, distance, and step :)
Fit & Fresh Healthy Food Snacker - holds a snack, a dipping sauce, and an ice ring!
Emerald 100 Calorie Pack Almonds & Walnuts - self explanitory.
Ocean Spray 100 Cal Pack Craisins - 6 pouches!
Two packs of Trident Layers Gum - Strawberry Citrus and Green Apple Pineapple.

So there ya go. It's a lot of stuff, but it's all pretty diet friendly and I promise not to send a surprise tin of brownies or something to try to trick you into staying fat like meeee. The holidays are coming up FAST and I figure we need all the help we can get this time of year, so this BOX 'O STUFF is designed to help you keep your laser sharp focus on that weight loss goal.

It's also to celebrate my 150 Followers. That's a pretty big number for this silly ol' blog and I really appreciate you guys reading about my day to day nonadventures and listening to me whine a lot. And commenting, boy do I love comments! So thanks <3

Here's how to enter for your chance to win!

1. Leave me a comment telling me how much you love me, or how your day's going, or what your favorite song is, or whatever you want. Just like...leave a comment. 5 word minimum!
2. Post a link to this post telling others about the AWESOME FAT FIGHT PHOBIA GIVEAWAY and comment me telling me you did it.
3. Record yourself doing a sexy dance for me. (this counts as five entries!)

That's it! So go ahead and enter because I'm gonna be bummed if I did all this work and I get like 4 entries and 3 of them are mine. I will quit blogging forever...IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?? Yeah, you don't want that on your soul, dudes. Good luck, guys!

P.S. Before you ask: Yes, UK and Canadian residents can enter and possibly even win, and Yes, I already told Dina she can't win. There. Now go!

We wore an onion in our belt, which was the style at the time...

Yesterday I spent the day babysitting Jeff's neices and nephews since their parents needed an "alone" day which I later found out meant "a day to get really drunk." Whatevs, it's not like I had anything better to do so I thought...okay. In theory, it sounded like a good idea. I thought I could go over there and run around with five kids and get all tired out and come home for a good nite's sleep. But...I guess the kids had ideas of their own.

I had visions of long games of hide n seek and possibly a group craft project. Yeah, not so much. These kids are freaking tech-savvy and they don't need me or any other adult ruining their saturday with my handicraft ideas. Even the 6-year-old was on his damn Nintendo DS all day long. I was less like a babysitter, more like a recorded voice saying "did you already have a soda? Okay then you can't have another soda. DRINK SOME WATER!"

The oldest girl is on her laptop on FaceBook all day...the two young ones are eyes glued to the Disney Channel...and the boys were playing Call of Duty for what seemed like days. Man, what a boring game to watch. Too many dimensions for me. Give me a fat italian plumber jumping on mushrooms any day instead of this crap.

I came to a sad realization yesterday: I'm old. I'm just not cool enough anymore! I used to be the cool aunt! The one who was up on pop music and had the newest video game system and could kick ass at Skee-Ball. Now I'm just the lame old aunt with my stories about how "in my day we played a MAGICAL video game called Galaga and it was from OUTER SPAAACE" yeah yeah, meanwhile they're counting down the days until they can put their crazy old unmarried aunt into the home. I didn't even know who Lady Gaga was until like 3 days ago. I just want Pearl Jam and flannel back. Flannel was a good look for fat people...skinny jeans, not so much.

Oh well, I guess I couldn't expect to stay current forever. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room stuck in 1996, thanks.

You guys are talking about Shenanigans, right?

Hey guys. How's it goin'?

Things here are going JUST OKAY...which is better than bad, but not quite the AWESOME that I strive for. The weather's starting to cool off a tiny bit finally and it's giving me HALLOWEEN FEVER! I've been obsessed with Halloween since I spotted candy pumpkins at Walgreens about a week ago, then proceeded to eat a bag. Sigh. I'm trying to get more into the spirit of Halloween this year by doing things like decorating and sending my neices and nephews little gifts so I don't feel the need to overcompensate in the candy aisle. HALLOWEEN DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ABOUT CANDY! Just keep saying that, right?

Diet-y things are lackluster. I don't know where my motivation has gone. It seems like I wake up with a new resolve each morning but it rarely lasts all the way to dinnertime. I need some stick-to-it-ness. I've lost about .4 in the past 3 weeks, and that ain't gonna cut it. Twice this week I packed a lunch, then still went out with the girls for a fast food lunch. Stupid and wasteful. And I'm supposed to be saving money for Cleveland! Bad.

I watched Biggest Loser and was SUPER STOKED to find a girl on there that's actually heavier than me. I never thought I'd see the day. We're the same height and age too. It'll be interesting to see how she holds up under the extreme stress since she already almost quit on like day one. I think she'll turn it around and kick some ass though. I'm really rooting for her for my own selfish reasons so I hope she stops all that crying and kicks the shit outta that ranch. (maybe I should be saying that to myself...except...I don't have a ranch. I don't even like ranch dressing.)

Oh hey, we won at trivia finally! YAY! First place! The British dude was back in town, obviously. Plus there was a Foo Fighters question...be still my beating heart! We got a $100 bar tab, but I wasn't even drinking so...wonk wonk. Oh well, at least everyone was in a good mood and no tantrums were had. Here's the gang, all ugly of us:

The Office starts tonight! Man, I do love the fall. And Community, which I'm excited about even though it has Chevy Chase and he's like a sitcom killer. Sure hope it doesn't suck. And I hope The Office gets better cause last season was kinda wonky. I like saying wonk lately, can you tell?

I noticed yesterday that my fatness is effecting my shopping. On one hand, it could help me save money. On the other hand, it's like my only hobby. I'm nothing with my clearance bargain-hunting! Gotta get on this shit. If diabetes and a heart condition can't motivate me, then surely a 75% off clearance sale has to. Help me, Target, you're my only hope.

This entry is all over the place, so I'm gonna put it out of it's misery. Hope you're all doing well and enjoying life.

Oh yeah, and I'm still hunting and gathering for my Grand Give-away. I should have it all together by this weekend. I know, I know...tease tease tease. Stay tuned...

Ruiner.

You ever feel yourself losing control of your emotions over something stupid and it gets to that point where you're not really sure why you're mad but it's too late to just back out of it at that point? It's like I'm looking at myself from outside my body and saying "man, this girl is a bitch. Oh shit, that's me." I need a reset button on the back of my neck that I can just push and snap out of my craziness. Sometimes I think I just piss myself off so I have a reason to keep believing I'm not worth it.

So...just stop it, Tricia. fuck.

I am real antsy. Like, annoyingly so. Everything I owned is either torn to shreds or all doodled on because I have this nervous energy I can't harness into doing good things like...say, cleaning my house or painting or something so I just write scribbles and cubes and annoy people with my nervousness. Sometimes it gets real bad and I rip out hair. Mostly from my eyebrows. I try not to let it get too bad cause I don't need to add to my weird appearance by sporting eyebrow bald spots. I'll just say that lately they are looking shitty and I dunno why I'm so fucking stressed. I have this internal racing clock that's not even leading me towards anything, so I don't get it.

Breakfast and lunch are all packed for tomorrow and if I can stay within my calories all week, I think I'll go get my eyebrows waxed because at least when they're groomed well, I tend to fuck with them less. So annoying. Not that I think I should get a prize each week for staying on plan, but...at least it's not a cookie cake. Even though I'd prefer that.

Bleh...hey Monday.

First off, let's kill all the fat people...

Bipartisanship. It's a word that gets tossed around a lot lately. A buzz word, if you will. It basically refers to when members of two parties can find some common ground and actually agree on something. It's pretty hard to achieve these days. So imagine my surprise when I found a common bond with a member of the League of Extraordinarily Fat Gentlemen. My mortal arch nemesis Fat Daddy actually said something that wasn't all full of male chauvanistic vigor. Shocking, I know. :P

The message was simple: Fat...it ain't all bad. Then the heavens opened and I realized that all these extra pounds aren't always such a curse and maybe Freddy Mercury was right (of course he was!) and Fat Bottom Girls really DO make the rockin' world go round!

Look, we all wanna be healthy and skinny, but don't deny that you and your fat had some good times together. Even the most miserable fattie has had at least a few moments in their life where they were Pumped to be Clump. Admit it!

In honor of fatties everywhere, I present to you my Top 5 reasons why Fat Rules:

#1. People don't ask you to help them move. - Especially if they live on anything other than a ground floor, because people who know me know I can barely do stairs just carrying my own fat ass, let alone like a lamp or their Faberge Egg Collection (Sorry, Carlos). Seriously, no one wants me standing around getting in the way of all those skinny jerks working like dogs. Fine by me, too. I barely even helped myself move. I conveniently scheduled most of if during my working hours, and I still have boxes of crap that I haven't even looked at twice from my move like 4 months ago. Some may call it lazy, but I call it smart...and lazy.

#2. Automatic Shotgun. - Think about it. Your friend's driving you and three other friends somewhere. Fattest gets the front seat. This is just like, the law. So sit there and enjoy your own air conditioning vent while the others share whatever air can sneak past your broad shoulders. You need that air...you're fat.

#3: Fat people are more huggable. - Go on, you know you want to. Who doesn't want a squishy shoulder to cry on?

#4: You get to eat what you want. - This is a given. Can't choose between the kettle korn or the funnel cake? Just get both. If you're gonna be fat, at least be fat for a reason. A deep-fried-powdered-sugared-caramel-drizzled reason.

#5: Girls trust you around their men. - Oh god, so dumb. Don't they know how horny fat girls are? Very cocky of these skinny friends to assume their dude would never be into you just because you're fat. Not that I would EVER, because I am a good friend, and also, ew sex. BUT...I'm sure it has happened before. I believe it was the once-fat Monique who said every man wants to be with a real fattie at least once. And once you go fat, you never go back. Or so I hear...

So there you have it. I'm sure there are lots of great things about being post-fat...(not that I'd know...) but don't forget to enjoy your fat perks while you still can! Stop by Fat Daddy's blog and take a gander at his top 5 reasons too. And hey, while you're at it, why not come up with your OWN top 5? Post it on your blog and share your fat acceptance with the world!

Now let's get out there and get us some healthcare!

Took it too far? Oh, okay. My bad.

Iron my shirt, bitch.

ATTENTION!

I would like to formally announce that the League of Extraordinarily Fat Gentlemen is a living example of pure sexist bullshit and I won't stand for it!

I think, eat, talk, swear, and pee like a man, so I would like to know where is my goddamn invite.
SEXISM!

P.S. I finally hit 150 Followers, yay! In honor of that, I'm doing a giveaway soon. A bunch of random shit that you will LOVE, so check back in a few days once I get it all ready to go. I'll announce it after the next Vag-tastic Vixen Coalition Meeting. NO BOYS ALLOWED.

Oh hai.

Hey. I'm not dead or anything, I've just had writer's block and a bad attitude lately. I don't really like blogging when I'm all down on myself and pissed at the world. I end up reading it later and cringing at how I'm coming across as a whiny puss. I also haven't been reading or commenting much...sorry about that.

Not much has been up with me aside from trying to eat myself into an early grave. Earli(er) at least. And spending too much money on shit I don't need then panicking about being broke. Classic Tricia.

It's okay though. I'm slowly crawling out of my funk. Buying groceries tomorrow then putting away the debit cards in a tall tall place I can't reach...like the moon. Gonna try Phase 4,512 of the diet and see how that works. Fall is kinda in the air so it's helping my mood a little. I even went out to see a band play last night and I have the $80 hangover to prove it. Bleh.

So...my sister still won't talk to me. My sadness is fading into bitterness and I'm starting to wonder if she's worth all the sleepless hours spent wondering how it's so easy for some people to push others out of their lives. It's her choice. I've done my part and she knows where to find me if she decides to get over her fucking 43-year-old tantrum. My official new fear in life is turning out like either one of my sisters. Raw chicken and ghosts now take 2nd and 3rd place, respectively.

As you can no doubt see, the writer's block is still very alive and present. I'll try hard not to disappear for a week at a time from now on though. Barring anymore cancer announcements, I should be able to oblige. How's shit in your neck of the woods? Tell me everything!